Today's Funny

BP announced this morning that they installed a wedding ring around the leaking pipe and it quit putting out.

In Sickness And In Health

Trust me, I don’t take good health for granted. I am in awe of people who never get sick. I tend to get every virus going, along with a host of many other (often unspeakable) ailments. My lover, the intensely immune G Spot, never gets sick. In the year and half that we’ve been together, he’s been forced to listen to me hack like an iron-lunged smoker, blow my nose like a heavy-using coke head and experience nausea that forced us to leave a restaurant before getting to the meal. Ahhhhhhh, the romance of it all.

This week, in truly spectacular form, G Spot became ill. Instead of staying home and wallowing in his misery, he headed straight to the ER. He had to. I rushed to the hospital to be with him and had to wait an agonizing half hour before anyone would help me find him. Ahhhhhhh, the healthcare system.

Now, I didn’t need an emergency to make me realize how much I love my lover. I am always well aware. The panic that set in was new for me. I am a good worrier, but I usually worry only about troublesome things at hand (I’m not a doomsday worrier). This situation, however, made me panic about something going wrong. I hadn’t prepared for the worst. Given that G Spot was always well, I had never anticipated him being unwell. I was gripped with fear. Thankfully, it ended well and he is going to live!

We have certainly experienced the ugliness of sickness. Together, we have now endured intense nausea, vomiting, wretching, heaving, bile bags that runneth over, burst cysts, infected ingrowns, boob rashes (seriously…) and runny noses. Aren’t we glam???!!! In health, no problem. In sickness, pass the barf bag – I’m in it for the long heave, I mean, haul!

The Story Of My Life

You’re riveted – I know. As passed on by blogger Carly Findlay (click on title for link to her blog), here is my meme (gotta love any request that has the word “me” in it twice!):

But wait – what’s a meme?
In the context of web logs / ‘blogs / blogging and other kinds of personal web sites it’s some kind of list of questions that you saw somewhere else and you decided to answer the questions. Then someone else sees them and does them and so on and so on.
~ This is according to The Daily Meme (they should know)

Here’s mine:

What experience most shaped you and how?
Being diagnosed with a chronic illness at the age of 10. I don’t discuss it on this blog, as it doesn’t have much to do with dating, mating and relationships, but it forced me to take responsibility for myself at a young age. I had to be more mature than my friends and it taught me the value of life. It shaped me more than anything I’ve ever experienced, and I’ve been around the block a few times…

What would you do with a whole day of no commitments?
Nothing. I crave doing nothing. There’s just always something…

What food and drink would you never give up?
food: chocolate
drink: champagne

Give me a savoury recipe that doesn’t include cheese
Just remember – you asked me!!! This recipe comes from The Barefoot Contessa and I’ve never met anyone who didn’t like it:
Roasted Asparagus
Snap bottoms off asparagus
Place spears on a baking sheet sprayed with Pam or such the like
Cover in good olive oil and sprinkle with coarse salt and freshly ground pepper
Bake in hot oven (425 F) for 20 – 25 mins
(you could finish it off with cheese, but trust me, it’s not necessary)

If you could travel anywhere, where would it be and why?
Fiji – it looks like paradise and I’d like to see if it actually is.

If you were the leader of your country, what would you do?
I would not increase taxes without increasing services.
I would stop taxing the savings of hard working people who are already paying income tax.
I would not charge land transfer tax on condos, which are built up. How is it possible to charge land transfer on a piece of sky? I would not be sh*tty like that.

If you could spend one day in another person’s body, whose would it be?
Is this a trick question? Come on… Obviously, I would be Ricky Gervais.

Which woman author do you admire and why?
Obviously, I admire Helen Fielding, who wrote the story of my life. I also admire Margaret Mitchell, a Pulitzer Prize winner, who wrote my favourite book, Gone With The Wind. I cried when I finished it. It was a perfectly detailed, thoroughly researched and totally gripping read. She was an incredibly talented author who died tragically before her time.

Passing the meme to:
The Uneasy Writer
Scandalous Housewife
Fin

Today's Funny

Golf on Wednesdays

Ellen and her husband Bob went for counseling after 25 years of marriage.
When asked what the problem was, Ellen went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking Ellen to stand, embraced her, unbuttoned her blouse and bra, put his hands on her breasts and massaged them thoroughly, while kissing her passionately as her husband Bob watched with a raised eyebrow!

Ellen shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down while basking in the glow of being highly aroused. The therapist turned to Bob and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week.. Can you do this?' Bob thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Fridays, but on Wednesday, I play golf.