Sunday, September 30, 2012

To My Faithful Followers,
I just realized that it has been almost 4 years (yowza!) since I started this blog.  How time flies -- and I'm still single!  I have loved the comments and interactions we have had on this site.  However, I invested in my website a while ago and, although I would love to continue publishing here, I must focus on that site. 
I hope that you will continue to follow my foibles with regards to dating, mating and relating.  I also look forward to you continuing to share your stories there.  I can be reached at
I look forward to hearing from you.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

My Own Personal Mr. Big

I have a Mr. Big in my life.
In a way, I'm sure we all do--a guy who comes in and out of your life, gives you great sex, takes it away, breaks your heart repeatedly yet keeps you crawling back for more, in the way that makes you wonder about your dignity.  And pride..  And mental health…
I was living in New York, surviving on cheap wine, bar snacks and the hope that my measly fashion internship would actually get me somewhere.  I hadn't lived there long when he called. Of course he called, because it had been a while. He was going to be visiting his girlfriend and wanted to know if I wanted to meet up with them to get a drink. Oh the girlfriend, the one he so frequently threatened to cheat on for me. Well, I did love controversy, so why not?
The night eventually came and I decided I would look as New York and fabulous as I could.  I put on my stilettos, sleek trench, tightest jeans and a sexy black top. He was going to be impressed and she was going to know it. 
I met up with them on West 73rd, a street far from my flat in Brooklyn. I won her over immediately and he was impressed. We sat in a dark bar, chasing whiskey with vodka shots.  He got honest as soon as the drinks starting flowing. He'd lean in when she'd run off to the bathroom and tell me that they were breaking up and that he still thought about me. The leans turned into kisses but I pushed him away. I wasn't looking to get punched that evening.
As the night progressed, he came up with an idea. He reminisced on our days of wild threesomes, laundry room sex and hair pulling and asked, "What if we have a threesome tonight?" I'd be lying if I said I wasn't game. Actually, I was dying to. My Mr. Big had all the same attributes that the real Mr. Big had. It was perfection, really.
I agreed, but said he had to make it happen. When she returned, he bought more shots and another round of drinks.  We were drunk by the time bar closing rolled around. Now was the time to act. We were to suggest that it was unsafe for me to ride the subway alone at that time of night (it is) and that I should crash for a few hours. He would take it from there.
We stood in the street. Me teetering on my heels, she not having a word of any thing he said. I began to wonder if she had seen him trying to kiss me. He was crumbling--a side I had never seen before. They fought on the sidewalk as I edged closer to the subway. I hastily waved goodbye and ran for the train.
They fought all night and it took me two hours to get home. He texted me the next day to tell me about it and I told him I had to take care of "business" as usual. He said he wished he could have been apart of it...  They left the city the next day.
This was two years ago and I haven't been face to face with that him since. He still sexts me every now and then, usually drunken, illogical. Fortunately, we still live in separate cities. It's an important and much needed distance.
Our story won't end the same as Mr. Big and Carrie.  Mine usually ends at Adam & Eve , looking for something else to get the job done. I've dated plenty of people since him and am in a relationship now, but it doesn't keep him from mentally and textually coming back to haunt me. There's always something about those Mr. Bigs...

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Hungry Eyes

While innocently standing in line to get my morning coffee at Low Price Java Joint in Cosmpolitan City, I was feeling watched.  Having just rolled out of bed and put the nearest skimpy sundress on, I expected that I might maintain the interest of someone...  As I looked up, eyes barely visible beyond my bed head, I saw who was staring.  He checked me out up and down and then his eyes settled on his obviously favourite spot: my boobs.  He was fixated.  He was hot and bothered..  He was, like, 100 years old... 
He managed to make eye contact briefly enough to smile at me.  To his credit, he had all his teeth.  Well, who knows if they're actually his, but he did have teeth.  Being that this has not been a hot summer romance-wise for me, I actually started to wonder: How old is too old?  I am partial to the oldies, but am I wanting to hook up with a Grampy?  A Zadie??  A Nonno???  No.
It's always a compliment to be found attractive by someone.  Clearly, anyone.  This encounter was unique for me in that I've never seen someone so old be so sexually expressive.   So early.  Good for him!.  He honestly looked hungry enough to eat his breakfast bagel off my boobs.  He also lessened the bad rap for all sexy seniors (?!?), as most singletons write off the elderly due to known issues with age-related erectile dysfunction. And bladder control issues.  And saggy skin.  And dentures.  And uncontrolled flatulence.   Well, perhaps old Hungry Eyes just served to reinforce the fact that to men who most likely have few options, Age-Related Macular Degeneration (with possible cataracts) and an overabundance of ear and nose hair, I've got it goin' on!

Sunday, August 12, 2012

The Family Flirt

So, this has not exactly been my summer of blazing romance…
Here’s my latest experience in the disconcerting dating scene.  Perhaps you should grab a drink before reading – I had to!
On holidays in Northern Cosmopolitan City, my parents and I went into the nearest town for dinner.  On the way, we had to stop at the grocery store to grab some grub for later in the week.  While picking peas in the pod outside, I felt someone watching me.  I turned around to find a nice-looking older man (I’m fixated on fossils!) checking me out.  Grocery store pick ups are difficult to navigate, but I felt it might happen.  As I walked into the store, he followed me in and casually looked around everywhere I went.  I was flattered. I was feeling it!  While standing at the cash with my mother, the vainglorious vixen also known as June Cleaver Blogshaw, I pointed out the philandering silver fox.  June’s reaction: “Oh, I thought he was checking me out…”  Um, no.
As we left the store, I felt disappointed and dejected.  How could I have engineered the encounter to include an introduction?  Knowing that we were heading to the restaurant, I thought about how serendipitous it would be if he just happened to be heading there, too.  We had to stop for gas, which was convenient as the restaurant is also the local fuel station.  Fancy, I know.  As my diligent dad, Ward, worked the pump, June and I entered the bistro.  As we walked in, I noticed the silver fox right behind me.  Yes!  I knew that we would be able to focus on our flirtation while inside.  The waitress took us to our table, which was situated in front of the table of a family of four.  With a single mom.  I waited for the silver fox to request a table next to ours.  Imagine my shock and horror as he walked over to the family table.  To take his spot..  With his wife and 3 children…  Ugh!
The worst?  His seat was directly in my line of view.   He spent the entire meal trying not to look directly at me, while stealing glances when the fam weren’t watching.  Um, yeah… No. 
In my long-suffering experience of dating I have experienced all sorts of dubious dilemmas.  I have encountered many types that I have had to learn to watch out for:  The Alcoholic Workaholic, The Sexaholic Workaholic, The Alcoholic Sexaholic Workaholic,  The Stone Wall…  And now, The Family Flirt!

Thursday, July 26, 2012

K Stew + R Pat = Cheating Trampire - Devoted Boyfriend

Now, I am not a math major, however that is a bad equation!
I would like to say that I was never a fan of the surly and miserable looking K Stew.  Although R Pat doesn't seem much happier, I could never understand the draw of a sullen, miserable woman.  I still wonder what on earth is going on with Posh and Becks...
Yesterday, the news broke that Kristin Stewart has cheated on her longtime boyfriend, Robert Pattinson with the director of her last film, Rupert Sanders.  Sanders is also a cheating man-whore and is married (to a model, hello!) with children.  Yowza.  I have always been amazed how R Pat stuck with Kristin for as long as he did, but can anyone explain the draw of this dour and dirty-looking (seriously!  like, WTF?!) "dish"?  I thought that men are attracted to bright, sunny and sexy singletons... What am I doing wrong here?  Do I need to embrace (or, at least, find) my inner vampiric dark side?? Should I become pale, morose and stop washing my hair??? 
I will say that it was apropriate of KStew to issue an apology before the story was broken by US Magazine.  It was also apropriate that R Pat moved out of their shared home this afternoon.  I await news come the breaking dawn (heh!) on the feeding frenzy of the vampire vixens on Edward Cullen.  Bye, bye, Bella!

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Today's Funny

But next week is going to be even funnier thanks to Big Daddy’s latest ex antics! Stay tuned.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Meat Market Madness

"You know, Carrie, it doesn't get any easier to meet men as you get older."
~ June Cleaver Blogshaw, 2002
Yes, another famous quote from my mother.  And yes, again, she was right. 
This weekend, my sexy single partner in crime, Mademoiselle, and I went out on the town.  After a divine dinner, we went to a bar for some drinks and dancing.  In the lineup, we met a duo of dudes and started chatting.  Mademoiselle had her eye on one and I, therefore, ended up stuck with The Friend (known as such because I am now so old and deaf that I can't hear over loud music).  After trying many different strategies to relieve myself of The Friend (including ignoring him, dancing with other guys and at one sad point, running away), I started downing drinks like a champ.  Like I used to..  When I was younger... 
By the end of the evening, I had dined, drank and danced with the best of them.  Mademoiselle and I met lots of new guys, however none ended up being promising prospects.  The next day, I woke up  with the most horrible hangover ever.  I felt worse and worse as the day wore on.  I had to skip my gym class, cancel my hair cut and missed out on rooftop drinks (oh, I could still barf!).  What's worse?  Halfway through the day I had a flashback of making out with someone.  But which one?!  I'm pretty sure, through my foggy haze, that it was The Friend.  People, I made out with someone and I don't even know his name! 
If this is what it takes to meet men these days, I'm screwed.  At my age and stage, I need to find ways to meet men where I can be sober (or slightly buzzed, that's always fun...), where I have the use of all my senses, where it doesn't cost a minimum of $100 and where I won't lose an entire day for recovery.  Cheers!

Monday, July 2, 2012

Today's Funny

Once upon a time, a sexy singleton read a bedtime story and it was the bestest, happiest, most satisfying story she'd ever read.
And she (and her bottle of wine) lived happily ever after!

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Guest Post: The Best Places To Find A Mate

This week, my sexy singletons, we are lucky to have a guest post from esteemed dating advisor, Lynn Reid. Below are lovely Lynn's tips on: Where are the best places to find a potential partner?
Many adults are looking for that special someone. However, it can be difficult to find potential partners. If someone works a lot or spends a lot of time travelling, it may seem nearly impossible. Luckily, there are some great ways to find a potential partner. Here are just a few:
Most people spend a lot of time at their workplace, making it one of the top ways to find a potential partner. There are many married couples who met at their place of work. It's important to use best judgement here though, since two people may not be a match and will have to see each other every day at work if things go sour.
Blind Dates
Some people have their mates set them up on a blind date. This can work out very well, since mates usually know their friends quite well and there is a good chance that they will choose someone suitable. When out on a blind date, be sure not to lean on the topic of the friend in common; it is important for the two people on the date to talk as if they had met on their own.
Anyone meeting a blind date must realise that their mutual friend has likely shared some information about each other. It's imperative to give their blind date partner a chance to get to know the real person behind the stories, and to try not to focus on stories they may have already heard about their date.
Online Dating
Online dating is becoming more popular as a way to meet dates. It is great for those who want to be proactive and make things happen instead of waiting to bump into the right person. The ability to browse profiles and contact attractive possibilities is an easy way to meet people with shared interests, and can be a great way to showcase one's own profile. It is important to remember to take safety precautions as one might in any situation, but online dating can be a great way to line up a few dates.
Out and About!
People tend to forget that there is a world of people outside their front door. Simple things like walking down the street or standing in a lift can present a number of dating opportunities. It's important to be aware of all the possibilities that exist every day in a number of ordinary places.
Evening Classes
This is a great way to meet someone new who could be interested in the same things as you, depending on your course. It could be cooking or martial arts, it doesn’t matter as long as you share the enthusiasm for the topic you will click and it may even lead to romance or love.
Picking Your Moment
While there are many places to meet that special someone, there are a few places that usually bode poorly for a relationship. A bar can be a fun place to meet up, but if someone is very drunk, he or she should avoid seeking dates as it may seem more like harassment. It would be embarrassing and upsetting for the person being asked. Alcohol will always bring out the worst in you rather than the best.
Another time where a dating advance will not be received well is when it is clear that someone is not in the mood to talk. A lot of people tend to ignore basic body language cues when asking someone out. If the person is sitting with their head down, reading or has a stressed look on their face, it is best to let them alone.
Finding potential partners may seem difficult at first, but there are all kinds of opportunities to meet a potential partner. Taking one's time and doing what feels right will ultimately end in a great relationship.

~ Lynn Reid works as a dating adviser, she helps others finding people potential dates around the world. She currently works for the dating team at Lovestruck Hong Kong using her knowledge and experiences as an ex-pat to help others ~

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Friends Without Benefits

Is it even possible?! I have a few male friends in my life. But did most of those relationships start out with platonic intentions? Not so much. As I've gotten older (and better!), I have made male friends, but they are mostly gay. Fabulous! Nowadays, men don't seem to interact with me so that we can just hang out. Or do they?
Recently, an acquaintance and I have been spending time together. We've both experienced some disastrous and depressing dating scenarios in the past while, so there is a bit of hesitation on both our parts. We have been honest about this. Platonically, we connect on many levels. He's definitely come into my life for a reason and I have been enjoying our hang outs. The question is: will we be able to maintain a friendship without benefits?
I have noticed some friskiness in the interactions recently and I wonder where this is headed. How do I keep it friendly? Do I continue to show up when we meet dressed like a garbage collector? Acting like one?? Smelling like one??? On my part, I can't really help it if he happens to be smart, funny and playful. He's also tall and smells good, but I'm not focusing on that, right?!
Friendship, like love, is formed out of attraction. We choose our bff's like we do our bf's based on qualities that we find fascinating. I'm attracted to my bff's without wanting to do them. Perhaps I shouldn't focus on the lack of benefits in a friendship, because there are some after all. Together, we can platonically:
* Talk about things that I find most guys don't want to dish about
* Get the opinion of the opposite gender on decoding crazy or questionable conduct
* Hit the patios this summer without having to go on any dubious dates
* Get totally loaded, cross the line, not be able to sort it out and become f*ck friends with benefits!

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Caller ID

It's hilarious because I'm sure every sexy singleton has their own version...

I know I do.  Who doesn't want to know when 'Big Fat Baby', 'Big Daddy', 'Whine-O' or 'IfIt'sNotOneThingIt'sMyMother' calls?!

Monday, May 21, 2012

Big Daddy = Big Cokehead?!

Well, well, well...  Maybe that explains his behaviour!  Imagine my shock and horror when a mutual friend of mine and Big Daddy's, told me that he suspects cocaine use (due to recent frazzled encounters).  Who knew?!  Certainly not me!
Now, I'm no angel, however I am no junkie!  Never having tried cocaine, I had to refer to the internet to check the signs of use:
* Impaired Thinking - This might explain why he took off so abruptly after declaring me the "love of his life"
* Confusion - Clearly he was very confused!
* Depression - Saw a touch of that - seemed inapropriate to the situation at hand.  Especially considering it was Valentines Day.  Pull it together!
* Sleeplessness - The man kept me up all night long wanting to cuddle or watch tv.  I thought he might be a vampire...
* Loss Of Appetite - I wish he suffered from that - he was starting to get a bit fat!
* Decresed Sexual Appetite - Definitely not a symptom that he suffered
* Restlessness - He was like a kid in a candy store when we were together, however I thought his intense interest and desire to do 20 things at once with me was flattering...
* Very Talkative - Yes, he could talk the talk but didn't end up walking the walk.  How typical!
Well, we may never know for sure, however it seems that it's a distinct possibility that I was delusionally dating a doped-up druggie! 

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Guest Post: Meet Singles Wherever You Are

I am pleased to post tips on how to meet a match as declared by the dating gurus at Singles Warehouse, a UK internet dating site. Read on for their tried and true tips:

Being single means a lot of things … one thing for certain is that it means every man and woman you meet is a potential partner. You don’t believe it? Well you should. As a single person, you need to be able to meet singles wherever you are. It could be at the grocery store, at the gym, at the park, at the bookstore and at your favourite restaurant … there are prospects everywhere. You just need to know how and where to look.

Here are some tips and tricks to scope out the singles in your area:

 Always look around for people you’re attracted to (make sure they don’t have a wedding ring on!)

 If you see someone you’re attracted to, give them a nice smile and turn away, then look at them again and smile … just in case they weren’t sure the first time

 When sitting or standing always keep your body language open, don’t cross your arms and look welcoming

 Frequent places, areas and activities you are interested in so that you find others that have the same interests and discuss your interests with them

 The coffee shop is a great place to meet singles, just don’t hide behind your computer or book, make sure to look approachable and smile if someone looks your way

 If out at the bar or pub, over drinking may give you that extra confidence you need, but it will also ensure you make all the wrong choice, so one or two drinks should be your maximum if you’re there to meet someone

 Last, but not least, you need to always look your best wherever you go, even if you don’t feel like it. Why? Because you never know who you’re going to come across and meet while you are out.

So as you can see, you can meet singles wherever you are, you just need to know how and where to look!

Happy Dating!

Singles Warehouse

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Don't Get Your (Granny) Panties In A Knot!

... I wonder if my sex tape will get a similar reaction when it gets released...

... I wonder if, in the future, my spinster friends and I will have similar, knowledgeable and reminiscent banter while watching the sex tape du jour when the time comes (comes - heh!)...

... I wonder why, given the overwhelming reactions of the grannies, Kim K didn't stick with this guy!

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Check, Please!

That's what I would have been begging for if I'd been on the disastrous date that I witnessed this weekend. Catching up with one of my fabulous friends over a delicious dinner at Swanky Sushi Spot in Cosmopolitan City, we found ourselves sitting next to the saddest sushi date ever.
She got there first. Finally, her date arrived. He fit in at Swanky Sushi like I fit in at church... Anyhoo, I have to say, I was fascinated. I couldn't believe my eyes. She was fairly attractive, a good conversationalist and was having a good hair day. He was slovenly, fatter than a Baconator and so nerdy that he actually had a pen in his shirt pocket. At first, I thought they might be:
* cousins
* colleagues
* on a blind date (where make a runner at any time and go home and sue the matchmaker)
* former inmate and parole officer (she the inmate, as he was dressed like a parole officer)
Well, not so much. After staring at this not-so-dynamic-duo for most of dinner, we watched as she allowed him to kiss her hand. Shocking. We noticed that she kept disappearing from Swanky Sushi often and then returning to the table after lengthy absences. During which he would sit and stare at my friend and I. We figured that while she was gone she was:
* dealing with a nasty UTI
* pretending to deal with a nasty UTI
* smoking
* smoking crack to deal with the fact that she was on the worst date of all time
Towards the end of the evening, they were involved in shocking and stomach turning PDA's. It was so bad that we were almost unable to order dessert. What bothered me so much? I saw what might be my future. And perhaps the future of other sexy singletons who, around a certain age, might become relegated to the ranks of women who have to date dorks because all the good guys are gone.
At the end of their dinner, during which she ate like a queen (and he almost ate her), she took off and left him alone at the table. Well, not technically alone, as she did leave him with the check!

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Mancation: Born This Way

In looking for new mancation couture options, I happened upon this photo of Lady Gaga. Clearly, given the caution tape couture, the Lady has been on, or is currently on, mancation! Who else could pull off the task of making tape featuring the international sign of danger look this sexy?!
I guess even superstars get tired of dating their share 'little monsters'. I am obviously in very good company here and maybe, after my mancation period ends (timing is to be confirmed, as I'm enjoying it so much...), I'll be able to forget each and every Bad Romance!

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Can I Be Honest With You?

Watch it and weep! This video is hilariously humourous and horrifyingly honest. It is basically how I should have negotiated with Big Daddy and many of my exes before him. Honesty really is the best policy. Enjoy, my sexy singletons!

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Guest Post: 3 Bad Facebook Habits That Will Send Him Running

And we don't want that!
Today, I am pleased to post this fabulous article written for us by dating doyenne Erica St. Claire. Read on for her rules and regulations regarding playing it right while playing on Facebook:

It’s hard to imagine going a day (okay, for some of you let’s get real—it’s hard to imagine going an hour) without logging onto Facebook. And if you are as obsessed with the guy you’re dating as you are the world’s most popular social networking site, the combination of the two could be a recipe for cyber disaster. As useful as Facebook is, it can also be a breeding ground for behavior that could send him heading for the hills…so to make sure that you keep digital drama from coming between you and your guy, be sure to check out and learn from the following mistakes so that you don’t wind up broken-hearted, changing your relationship status to “single,” and out a laptop because of the tears you cried into the keyboard:
Facebook Fail #1: Changing your relationship status without a discussion. In this day in age we are so consumed with our electronics and technology that we barely even communicate face to face anymore. But this is no excuse to rush to your computer the moment you think you’ve reached the point of an exclusion relationship to update the status of your Facebook relationship. Sure, maybe you’ve been dying to change it from “it’s complicated” to “in a relationship with ____;” but if you want the relationship to not only last on Facebook, but to actually last in real life, then you have got to talk it out with the guy first. Don’t rush this—guys freak easy (no shocker there)—so let it arise naturally and if the two of you come to a mutual agreement that you are exclusive, then it is okay to entertain the idea of declaring your love on Facebook for all of your closest 1,456 friends to “like.”
Facebook Fail #2: Hacking into his account. Maybe you’ve watched one too many episodes of CSI and have such a knack for investigating that if the career choice was more realistic, you would probably be living life as an undercover secret agent. But when you take these skills and apply them to the mission of uncovering your boyfriend’s Facebook password to hack into his account, you aren’t using your powers for good. Trust is the foundation for any healthy relationship and if you are fishing through his account for scandalous dirt that reveals infidelity or other such behavior, he’s going to find out—and he’s not going to stick around. If you don’t trust the guy, what point is there in dating him in the first place?
Facebook Fail #3: Oversharing. Yeah, it’s nice that you are happily enjoying the company of a man. But when you are constantly bombarding the mini-feeds of everyone on Facebook with picture after posed kissy-face picture of you and lover boy, writing on his wall messages that should have been sent via text, and delivering dramatic statuses about the latest fight that the two of you are in…not only will you get defriended for testing the gag reflexes of your entire social network, but you also risk getting broken up with. When you engage in such behavior and put every single move of your relationship out there for all 800 million plus users of Facebook to see, you don’t leave anything special between you and your boyfriend. In this world where everything is public, it’s nice to keep some parts of your relationship private every now and then.
Erica St. Claire is a guest post author who enjoys writing about dating and relationships. In addition, Erica also owns Catholic Singles Dating Sites where she provides informative articles with tips for safe online dating.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Mancation Validation

If I had any doubts over the past 3 weeks whether being on mancation was the right decision, I certainly got my answer on the weekend. In a moment of weakness, I decided to put my profile back on Useless Dating Site just in case Big Daddy happened to be back online and might see it. Mature, I know... Anyhoo, after receiving winks, smiles and ridiculous emails from men who say they are forty but are really sixty, who refuse to wear tops, who are in love with their dogs or who can't even hide in their crazy-eyed photos that they are serial killers, I received an email from someone who seemed different. Normal. Adventurous. Outgoing. Successful. After some emails back and forth and phone tag, I received the following message on a beautiful Sunday morning in Cosmpolitan City:
Him: Hey Carrie, Can we set a date to meet for a date? Lol. Would you be interested in getting together over the next few days? What would work for you? Have a wonderful morning.
Wow! What a great text to receive on a gorgeous day after a relaxing yoga class. My response:
CB: This week is pooched for me (why does everyone always want to go out in the same week?!). I have plans Sat night but could meet you before if that works.
The ridiculous reply:
Him: Next Saturday? Lol.. Ok I'm giving that a one in ten for happening... if I fall that far back on your list then I would prefer just to say goodbye. Take care and good luck! The truth is we will both have a few dates before then and I will have much more to go on with someone else who isn't so busy... you understand I am sure. Have a great day.
Ummm... 'Scuse me? Doesn't everyone have a busy week every now and again?? And isn't Saturday night traditionally date night anyways???
CB: I'm serious - I have plans with friends and no other dates planned - it's just a busy week. Enjoy this lovely day.
Like, how else was I supposed to sign off? I certainly didn't expect to hear from him again. Until this:
Him: Lol... wow can you please say more nice and wonderful things to make me more interested? What are you thinking texting me this crap? Lol... good luck to you I'm no longer interested... maybe the third week in May I'll have time for you lol what a joke.
In a case like this, though I'm completely anonymous on this site, I would like to name names just to save other sexy singletons in Cosmopolitan City from this guy. I have never received such a harsh, aggressive and nasty communication like this. I was offering him a date that was 6 days away! Don't men usually run and hide from needy women with no lives?!
I keep thinking to myself - imagine if we'd met up and circumstances had been different and we'd gotten along and started dating. Then, what if I did something to really p*ss him off! Would he kill me?! Psychopath.
Although incredibly unfortunate, that was probably karma's way of telling me to get my caution tape dress back on and remain on mancation. Perhaps indefinitely!

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Mancation Couture

You may have been wondering what to wear during mancation... So was I, until I found the perfect dress. There are many mancation fashion options, such as wearing a garbage bag (to ensure the douchey dudes steer clear), a suit of armour (to protect oneself from an onslaught of bad boy bullsh*t) or a straight jacket (because if I have to endure any more dating drama I will have to be institutionalized).
When I came up on this dress, I was ecstatic. It has a fit and flare silhouette (feminine, sexy), is knee length (I like giving attention to my gams) and still screams "Stay The Hell Away From Me!". This dress is the perfect partner to the LBD (Little Black Dress) and will be known as the LMD (Little Mancation Dress). F*cking fabulous!

Sunday, March 4, 2012

My Mancation

Welcome to my mancation. I will be on mancation for the entire month of March. And possibly beyond. What is mancation, you wonder? Well, let me define it for you:
Mancation (man-kay-shun) noun:
1. A period of suspension of all dating related activities, to be used for rest, relaxation and time to undue the psychological trauma brought on from the act of dating.
2. Freedom or release from the duty of trying to find a normal boyfriend.
3. A total lack of kissing, making out or sex. But due to the need for a mancation, you're probably not in the mood anyway.

Got it?! Since my latest relationship, with Big Daddy, bit the big one, I've decided that I need to take some time off. I've been working hard at dating and trying to find a nice, normal boyfriend, however my attempts continue to be thwarted by confusing and frustrating male behaviour. Do I still want to find a loving partner? Absolutely! This month? Not so much. I'm hoping that a brief interlude from the soul-sucking singles scene will provide me with a renewed perspective, perseverance and pain relief.
Lets break down the cost of my mancation: Therapy sessions to deal with my emotional drama: $110/hr. Self help books to try to understand his baby mama drama: $17.50 (plus shipping & handling). Australian shiraz to dull the pain: $19. The absence of bullsh*t bad boy behaviour: priceless!

Sunday, February 19, 2012

... And Make It Snappy

One of the most exciting things about a new relationship is learning to communicate, am I right?!
Um, no, it's not the most fun but it certainly lays the groundwork. If you can get there. My newest boyfriend, who we'll call Big Daddy, and I had quite the communication clusterf*ck the other night. Oh yeah, you know, that night... Valentines Day night!
It started out so well. He showed up in a sexy suit with two dozen stunning red roses in hand. Perfection. We talked about our days, revelled in some romance and made out a bit... Then his phone rang. As he does a significant amount of business overseas, I allow the occasional work phone call. In order to receive decent reception in my condo, calls must be taken along the side of the living room and bedroom walls. Convenient, I know. He had his chat, which ended up taking some time. After a while, he got thirsty. I was in the kitchen arranging my fabulous flowers when I saw some motioning in the distance. Not sure if the grandiose arm gestures had to do with his work, I went back to being a florist. Then, I heard it. I didn't recognize it at first, as I haven't heard it in a while. What was it, you ask? It was snapping. He was snapping his fingers to get my attention and motioning for me to bring him his beer.
Incredible. Irritating. Insulting?! What was my reaction, you wonder? Do you think I would have ignored him? Given him the finger?? Broken his fingers??? Unbelievably and in spite of every ounce of feminist feeling in my system, I graciously grabbed his drink and pranced over to hand it to him. Since when did I respond to men like that?! Apparently, the two of us communicate like a familiar and well-oiled (well, that was later) master and servant. Would you like fries with this post?!

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Review & Giveaway: Goddess of Vengeance by Jackie Collins

Jackie Collins, the goddess of girly literature and New York Times bestselling author, has scribed another sensational story. In this book, her famous character, Lucky Santangelo, is back. Lucky, the magnificent matriarch of the Santangelo clan, experiences adventures spanning from LA to Las Vegas in this provocative page-turner.
The story revolves around Lucky's introduction to Armand Jordan, the son of a Middle Eastern King and a mogul in North American business. Armand has his heart set on acquiring Lucky's heavenly hotel, The Keys, in Vegas. Lucky's not willing to sell and Armand is not willing to be rejected. Will he be able to put his drug and prosititute habits aside in Vegas long enough to cut a deal? Meanwhile, Lucky's daughter, the spirited Max, is turning 18 and decides it's time to lose her virginity. Will she give it up to sexy super star Billy Melina, who happens to be the ex-husband of Lucky's best friend? Back in Los Angeles, Lucky's son, Bobby, is struggling in his relationship with Denver, a brainy beauty. Will the night-club owner and Assistant District Attourney be able to overcome their considerable differences?
This is the perfect page-turner to cuddle up to in front of the fireplace. The drama and intrigue will have you flipping the pages faster than the characters can stir up drama. Well, not quite! Sex, drugs, movie stars and business barons combine to create a tantalizing tome. Will what happens in Vegas stay in Vegas, or will it haunt the characters back to Los Angeles and beyond?
The Giveaway: Visit my website for details

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Breaking The Barrier

This post is dedicated to my new boyfriend and lover. Last night, we had steamy first-time sex. This morning, we luxuriated in a tangle of limbs in bed. This afternoon, he broke the barrier…

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Brazilian Road Map

As I lay on the paper-covered table with my panties off and my legs in the air, I was struck by the relationship that I have formed with the girl who waxes my bikini line. The relationship I have with my aesthetician has outlasted any relationship I've ever had with a man. Being between relationships, I quickly came to realize that this girl knows my vagina better than anyone. As she stood over me with her head in my crotch, covering me with hot wax and telling me to brace myself because she was "going in", I was able to see that she and I have one of the closest relationships I've ever had. What a job.
She knows me better than I know myself. In fact, she knows me so well she could probably Google Map my vagina. In the absence of a proper boyfriend, she was spending more time with my prized pleasure center than anyone - myself included!
I dedicate this post to my long-suffering aesthetician (come on - even though I had laser hair removal, I'm still half Italian...) who always sticks her head in my crotch with enthusiasm, dedication and pluck. Ouch!

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Today's Funny

Hot on the heels of ‘Shit Girls Say’ comes Shit Single Girls Say!

It’s silly. It’s funny. It’s the truth about being single.