Sunday, July 24, 2011
Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of G No's proposal and my acceptance. What a difference a year has made. The anniversary of this ominous occasion was difficult for me. I'm wondering how it was for him.
I have decided to share with you, my reticent readers, the letter he gave me when he proposed. Why? I'm wondering if you can help me make sense of it all. The letter below sounds like it was written by a man who was deeply in love. Nine months later, he ran out the door. Three months later, I am still confused by what has happened. Re-reading the letter hasn't made this easier to reconcile.
Bright, beautiful Carrie,
I love you so much.
When I see you sleepy,
I just want to hold you or keep vigil at your side,
keep you safe.
When I see you happy,
talking away about family, friends or work,
I brighten. Everything is right.
When we're apart, I trace in my imagination the distant flush
along your cheek and smile:
I am a lucky man.
I offer you this sparkling ring and this love message on silver paper
because you deserve your fairy tale
and I will love you forever after
with deepest earnestness.
There is no difficulty in such a promise.
It is like wind through the grass:
effortless. What should be.
PS - Now is the flower-laden summertime. No ice age lasts forever. This is the YOC (year of Carrie)!
Wow. Well, we all know it didn't last forever. It was not effortless. This is not how the fairy tale was supposed to end. My questions are: Does he feel badly? Does he even remember?? Does he feel anything???
The year of Carrie? Not so far!
Deepest earnestness? Uh, no. Whoever this Earnest is, maybe I should try to meet him?!