Sunday, May 17, 2009

Sex Boycott

I’ve never done this to anyone before – I swear!
I recently read an article about a poor, poor Kenyan man (we’ll call him Quityer Complainin), who is suing a group called G10 (not sure how they are able to have this name, as the G10 is more commonly known as a group of industrial countries who consult and cooperate on economic and financial matters, but I digress….). Apparently, this confusingly misnomered G10 group (a coalition of women’s groups) appealed to Kenyan women to boycott sex in order to push the men into resolving political issues. Let me make one thing clear to the G10 for future reference: If you want something done by a man, don’t cut off the sex. Don’t do it. If you want something done, use sex as a reward. It’s positive reinforcement at it’s finest – whatever Pavlov’s dogs did for food, men will do for booty. Is that clear???!!!

Anyhoo, back to the horrifying ordeal that Quityer Complainin was forced to suffer through. His awful, awful wife banned him from sex for 7 days. 7 days. That’s right, 7 days. I’ve had dry spells that have lasted more than 7 months, but whatever, this is not about me....... Quityer Complainin is suing the G10 for unbearable suffering that included:

* Mental anguish (this story is causing me mental anguish)
* Stress
* Backaches
* Lack of concentration
* Anxiety
* Sleepless nights

The organizers of the sex strike claimed that it was a success. I’m not sure how that could be, as the political strife remains… The Kenyan president and his rival held brief talks and cabinet meetings during the boycott, which seems to have satisfied the naïve G10. What might have happened during these closed door talks and meetings? What were they really doing behind closed doors?? Probably watching the latest Kenyan porn flicks, wanking and then coming out with smiles like the joker on their faces, making the press believe that they’d made progress in their 'relations', but I’m just sayin’…..

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