Sunday, October 4, 2009
Yes, I’ve faked it. Many times. Countless, copious, unfathomably many times….. So now, by popular demand, I’m going to let you know all about it.
Faking it is a trick that I’ve found to become very useful as I’ve gotten older and dated such an amazing collection of weirdos. To be honest, I think the first time I faked it was in my late ‘20’s. It had to be done. Luckily, now that I’ve found G Spot, I haven’t had to fake it for a long time. But still, I’d say the “faking it” years amounted to about 3 or 4 – which is 3 or 4 years too many.
The first time I pretended to orgasm was when I was having Superman Sex (see post from 2008). After being verbally abused, made to feel like a whore and - most unimpressively - spat on, I faked an orgasm just to get the whole kinkfest behind me (well, he was already behind me, but that’s not the point….).
The other times that I felt forced to fake it was when I was dating Mr. Hello Wall. In the entire time that we had sex together, I can’t remember if I legitimately came once. Again, in order to get the whole sad sack s*x thing over with, I used to fake him out so that he’d get off me…… I know, I know……… Of course, if I hadn’t faked it, we maybe could have worked on the fact that the s*x was not good for both of us, but when one is endowed like a Paper Mate pencil, it may be worth it to put on the theatrics while simultaneously thinking of creative ways to end the relationship……
In defence of faking it, I have to say that it can force you out of your comfort zone, which is great practice to put a smile on while you’re doing something you hate, which most of us are faced with at some point or another. Really, it’s a good life lesson. Also, I highly recommend it to aspiring actors – I’ve put on some pretty engaging and inspiring performances (oh, if you’d only been able to see what I was working with…..)!