Faking It

Yes, I’ve faked it. Many times. Countless, copious, unfathomably many times….. So now, by popular demand, I’m going to let you know all about it.

Faking it is a trick that I’ve found to become very useful as I’ve gotten older and dated such an amazing collection of weirdos. To be honest, I think the first time I faked it was in my late ‘20’s. It had to be done. Luckily, now that I’ve found G Spot, I haven’t had to fake it for a long time. But still, I’d say the “faking it” years amounted to about 3 or 4 – which is 3 or 4 years too many.

The first time I pretended to orgasm was when I was having Superman Sex (see post from 2008). After being verbally abused, made to feel like a whore and - most unimpressively - spat on, I faked an orgasm just to get the whole kinkfest behind me (well, he was already behind me, but that’s not the point….).

The other times that I felt forced to fake it was when I was dating Mr. Hello Wall. In the entire time that we had sex together, I can’t remember if I legitimately came once. Again, in order to get the whole sad sack s*x thing over with, I used to fake him out so that he’d get off me…… I know, I know……… Of course, if I hadn’t faked it, we maybe could have worked on the fact that the s*x was not good for both of us, but when one is endowed like a Paper Mate pencil, it may be worth it to put on the theatrics while simultaneously thinking of creative ways to end the relationship……

In defence of faking it, I have to say that it can force you out of your comfort zone, which is great practice to put a smile on while you’re doing something you hate, which most of us are faced with at some point or another. Really, it’s a good life lesson. Also, I highly recommend it to aspiring actors – I’ve put on some pretty engaging and inspiring performances (oh, if you’d only been able to see what I was working with…..)!