Sunday, September 25, 2011

Dating Etiquette 102

Now that I am fully back in the dating game, I feel it is time to publish another set of rules as they apply to dating. In my previous post, Dating Etiquette 101, I addressed many of the major offences that I was experiencing. Now, I am pointing out the strange new methods that men are trying to use. Dudes, please take note of the following and try to correct your bad behaviour:

Online Dating Tips for Men (Take Two):

* When introducing yourself, please refrain from using opening lines such as "Whoa...", "Ho-LY" or "Hot Stuff!" A much more effective and less offensive introduction might be: "Hello, How are you", "Hi, Are you having a nice evening?" or "Good Evening, I would like to let you know that I am a normal, mature, confident and emotionally available man..."

* After introducing yourself, please do not offer to kiss the inside of my thighs. Yes, this happened a couple of weeks ago. Do I want my thighs kissed? Yes. Do you want to kiss them? Obviously. The only body part that will result in being kissed by this kind of come-on will be my ass.

* One of my sexy singleton pals helped me to figure out why some men don't use a profile picture, but then contact you and send you 'backstage' photos. Why is this? Because they are married. Again, as addressed in the previous post, if you are married, you should NOT be on a dating website. Not to despair, however, as Ashley Madison exists exclusively for you. Their tagline is: "Life is short. Have an affair." Go for it, you miserable marrieds!

* Once dating has begun, let's try not to rely on texting as the main method of communication. I'm not saying that we need to be on the phone all the time - communication can be mixed up through phone calls, texts and emails. Texts only? Snippets and emoticons can only express so much and leave much to be decoded. Try talking - I swear, it works.

* If you look like a serial killer in your profile picture, and/if you actually are a serial killer, please don't contact me. I am done with psycho killers!

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