Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Over or Under? How do you roll???

You know what? Who really cares as long as someone actually does change the freaking effing goddamn roll after they've finished with it???!!! Nothing says "I care deeply about you" by leaving one to drip dry while the replacement roll is stored in the secretive and sneaky hiding spot of under the bathroom sink... Jeez!

This post is dedicated to my favourite lover, G Spot. My prized personal pleasure center and I have reached the stage in our relationship where we are trying to determine our compatability along the dimensions of being able to stand each other long term. We seem to score high on important dimensions such as shared goals, desires and core values. We have low scores along beliefs in life after death, the use of psychics to provide guidance in our lives and that men are able to accomplish necessary tasks as well as women. They can't. They just bloody well can't.

Like most couples, we differ on a few dimensions that are domestic in nature. Actually, we seem to differ on most dimensions that are domestic in nature... Such as, you ask? Well, besides the dreaded non-replacement of the loo roll, there is also:

* Unruly manhandling of the washroom handtowels. This was the first domestic directive that I had to issue, but so far so good. Now, they lay on the towel rack disheveled, but not totally bedraggled. That's progress.

* The throwing of my beautiful tufted silk coverlet from Madly Expensive Home Decor Store on the floor with reckless abandon, but it's done in the name of mad, passionate sex, so I therefore excuse it.

* The hiding of empty containers in the fridge. Isn't it cute when men finish the milk and then put the empty carton back in the fridge and then complain when there is no milk? Isn't it cute when they do that with the orange juice, too?? And the sugar free Kool Aid that is really meant for my enjoyment???

Today's lesson? Over. Under. Upside down. Rightside up. I'm not fussy. Just bloody well change the damn thing at the right time and we can continue to live our lives as we have come to know them. That, men, is the recipe for domestic bliss on all dimensions!


Anonymous said...

"The hiding of empty containers in the fridge." This is a dominance issue. By drinking all the milk or orange juice and then putting the container back into the fridge, the would-be dominant partner is saying:
(1) I drank it — you replace it! ... OR
(2) There's an empty container in the fridge — you must be the one responsible, so you replace it! ... OR
(3) I'm so dominant that I can do whatever I like with empty containers!
Sincerely, E.B.J.

mindes said...

Disheveled handtowels? At least you know that he washes his hands after using the facilities.

Carrie Blogshaw said...

Anonymous E.B.J., numbers (1) & (3) sound like a little something something to me...
mindes, yes, it is a relief to know that he washes. totally!

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