I've Still Got It!

Phew!
One of the hardest parts of any break up is dealing with the horrible feeling of rejection. In my case, it was less of a rejection and more of G No being unable to operate at my level, but I digress... After he took off, I worried that I might not meet someone new. That I might not be a desirable partner for someone better.. That I might have lost my touch...
About one month ago, I went on my first date in over 2 years. I had performance anxiety, as I felt I had become a bit of an expert in my serial dating experience before meeting G No. Could I still be smart, funny and charming on a date? Could I still attract a man?? Could I achieve second date status??? I met up with a very nice guy. We had a lovely date and I was all of those things. I was exhausted that night, but he was impressed by my energy. Again, phew! Unfortunately, I did not feel a connection with him and when he asked for a second date, I had to turn him down. He was cool about it, so it ended up being a very nice first exposure back into the scene.
Two weeks ago, I went out with one of my bff's and we ended up at a banker bar in Cosmopolitan City. Within 5 minutes, two fabulous guys had asked to join us. We ended up having an amazing evening together. I was happy and relieved to know that I attracted a smart, funny, intelligent, successful and attractive man. Phew!
This weekend, we had another girls night out. We ended up at a fun bar that plays good music. I had consumed a few too many glasses of bubbly, but was approached and spent the evening talking to and dancing with a nice guy, whose name I unfortunately can't remember (yes, it was that kind of evening). I'm kind of hoping that he won't call simply because I don't remember his name or how we said goodbye...
I don't know if I'm ready to date seriously yet. It's still early days. I don't need a rebound romance right now, I need to take the necessary time to heal so that I will be ready for the real thing when it comes around. I am trying to spend my time with my fabulous friends and if men continue to show interest, then I'm open. My goal for the summer is to relax in the country on weekends and pursue interests, fitness and fun nights out during the week. If I can fit dating in, then so be it, but it is not a priority for me right now. Still, at the very least, I know I've still got it!

Today's Funny

After all, it is a numbers game:

Geoff had six children and was very proud of his achievement. He was so proud of himself that for years he called his wife, Anita, 'Mother of Six,' in spite of her regular objections.

One evening, in their retirement years, they go to a party. It is late and Geoff is ready to go home and wants to find out if Anita is ready to leave as well.

Geoff bellows at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home, Mother of Six?"

Anita, greatly irritated by Geoff's lack of discretion over so many years, yells back at him, "Anytime you're ready, 'Father of Four'."

heh.

Fear Factor

Due to popular request from you, my faithful followers, I am going to address what I feel are the reasons why my former fiance, G No, left. I, along with many others (including professionals), have narrowed it down to 3 main factors:
Fear. Change. Guilt.
The fear? Perhaps of an unfamiliarity with living a new, happy, healthy, balanced way of life with the best possible partner.
The change? Going from single to engaged to homeowner to cohabitant... I know all about it, as I was going through it, too.
The Guilt? Of being happy, I suspect.

A few weeks ago, I came across an amazing article from The Daily Love by Mastin Kip (www.thedailylove.com). This article seemed to be written to help me understand what happened in this atrocious mess. Please see below for some revelatory reading:

Many times we wish and wish for the right person to come into our lives. We don’t seem to understand why it’s not working out with others. We end up in toxic, unloving relationships, and deep down know something better is out there.
The challenge is, when something better does come along, to not run away.
After years of disappointment, heart break and unhappy endings, it can be very easy to close down on real love. No matter what, don’t let that happen!
Remember, strength in the muscles of your body is created by your muscles being ripped apart, and then rebuilt. Your heart and your emotional intelligence and fitness operate the same way. It is easy to close down after you’ve been hurt. It’s easy to throw a wrench into real love when it comes. I understand it’s scary, but WHO CARES?
Move forward in spite of your fear. Move forward INTO the scariness of it all. Be courageous. Don’t let fear win. OPEN UP anyway. The risk of not opening, in the end, is far worse than the risk of opening.
Don’t let love pass you by. Don’t let fear win.
NO! Instead, let love win. Open up, even when, you are afraid. Open up, even when you are scared of getting hurt. Open up, even when you don’t know what’s going to happen.
Listen to me: LOVE WILL PASS YOU BY if you always choose the safe path.
I am not suggesting that you open up to the first person who comes along. No. I am not suggesting that at all. I am suggesting that when you have a connection with someone, when you feel it, when you are so scared of how much you feel it, go in the opposite direction of your fear. Do not be afraid of the love you feel.
KNOW THIS: The right person will meet you. The right person will show up. But they can’t if you don’t open.
Learn to value openness and rebuilding your heart more than safety. Don’t let the wounds of the past create a wounded future. No. It can be different. Love can be yours. But first you must be open to it. Learn how to be more loving from your past pain, not how to be more closed.
Don’t give up on love, no, give IN TO love!

The Hangover

I haven't had one this bad since the morning after my brother's wedding... This one, like the last, was well-earned.

Last night, I had my best friends over for a housewarming party. It has been almost 3 months since I moved into my new place. Although it did not work out as expected, it is still a fabulous condo and I feel very lucky to live here. This is the place where my friends and family rallied around me when my fiance left. This is the place that has kept me safe through the tears and the sadness. This is the place where I am starting to have more laughs than tears now. This is the place that I enjoy waking up in every morning and coming home to every night. This is the place that housed my fabulous friends last night and has seen much more love in the past few weeks than I ever imagined.

Given the amount of drinking that has been going on in here lately (and, most certainly, last night...), I can still tell people that I'm living in sin in a church (I do love that!). My 2 person condo was a 22 person condo last night and it was fabulous. It is fabulous. I vow not to wake up again in the state that I did this morning (so unholy), however I also vow to continue to wake up happy and hopeful in my cherished church. How divine!