Family Feud

It's hard to believe that another year has passed since the last Blogshaw family Christmas. This year, we found ourselves spending Christmas in a gated golf community (fancy talk for retirement villa) in a sunny southern state. Once we got used to our new surroundings at the lovely Shady Pines, we sat down to our classy Christmas dinner from Publix.

As 2 of us were exhausted from the flight, the Christmas convo was pretty slow and not at all offensive to any particular member of the Blogshaw family, which was a nice change. It was not, however, to last. The tryptophan from the turkey, which is supposed to induce sleep, had the opposite effect on my father, Ward Cleaver-Blogshaw and my brother, Beavis Blogshaw. The topic turned to an estranged friend of the family, thereby taking the focus off any of us. As my father and brother discussed what Estranged Friend might be up to these days, my father asked me (as I sometimes bump into Estranged Friend on nights out in downtown Cosmopolitan City) if he is in a relationship. To the best of my knowledge, I replied that I didn't think so. This led my father to wonder (out loud, of course) what Estranged Friend's problem is with relationships. My interest in the conversation piqued at this ponderance. The convo took a dangerous turn:

Ward: "Why is he not married? What's his problem? Do you think he's gay?"
Beavis: "Probably"
Carrie: "WTF???"
Ward: "Well, why is he not married at his age? He goes through girlfriends like Hefner. There must be something wrong with him"
Beavis: "Yeah"
Carrie: "What? I'm not married, so am I GAY???"
June: "You're not gay"
Ward: "You've had some serious relationships... All his relationships fail."
Carrie: "Newsflash: ALL OF MY RELATIONSHIPS HAVE FAILED. Does that mean I'm gay?"
Beavis: "Uhhhhhhhh..."

That exchange brought upon a diatribe that would make most spinsters terribly proud. It also ended the annual Blogshaw family dinner.
What really bothered me about the opinions expressed by my family is that they feel that there is something wrong with Estranged Friend because he has not found a life partner. What bothers me more is that they feel like he's such a lost cause at his age. He's only 3 or 4 years older than I am!

Like every new year, I hope for myself and my mother that I might meet someone great to go on more than a dozen dates with, but all I can do is remain hopeful and resist the urge to import an Asian husband. Or, as my father put it, as I'm thirtysomething and single, would that be an Asian wife???!!!