Sunday, December 7, 2008

If it's not one thing, it's my mother: Jesus Christ

Obviously, this has to do with my mother, the incorrigible June Cleaver Blogshaw. As many of you have requested more stories about her antics, here you go.
She continues to ask about one of my exes, as if there is a chance that we might get back together (despite all of the information that I have provided her to the contrary). She seems to live under the misguided hope that The Alcoholic Workaholic and I might reunite. There are a few reasons why this is unlikely and I would like to share them with you:

1. I'm over him.
2. He's married.
3. He has a child.
4. He's mentally ill.

As soon as I am able to get her off the topic of reuniting with past lovers, she tries to focus on new lovers for me. This has also turned out to be useless time and again. She spends the summers up north and tries to find men to hook me up with while she's up there. There are usually some problems with these attempts at matchmaking and I'm thinking of one hockey player in particular:

1. He's married.
2. He has a child.
3. He's a hockey player, for f*ck's sake - he probably has the wife AND 20 girlfriends!
4. I'm not blonde, therefore it would never work.

I remember once, when I spent 2 years in London trying to work things out with The Alcoholic Workaholic, I met a man who pursued me and treated me exactly how I wanted to be treated and then told me he was in a relationship. I was very upset and did not want to go there. I told my mother, thinking she would agree, and she tried to pursuade me to keep at it and eventually, hopefully he would "dump the bitch."
No Joke.

God bless her - I know she means well. I'm hoping that, at some point in the new year, I might date someone that would please her and would allow her to brag to her friends... Or at the very least, I could become a kept woman in an adulterous situation which would please her even more!

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