How I Spent New Year's Eve as a 3rd Wheel

Yes, I'm celebrating New Years at Shady Pines with Ward and June. Throughout the entire vacation, I've been either the 3rd wheel (spending time with my bro, Beavis, and his gf) or the 5th wheel (spending time with the dynamic duos of Beavis/gf and Ward/June). I have grown accustomed to being the 3rd or 5th wheel when spending time with my married friends, but I've never had to spend a night such as new year's eve with the smug marrieds. Speaking of 5th wheels, did anyone ever see that show? It was hosted by Aisha Tyler and it was HILARIOUS. Anyways....

Do you know how hard I had to search to find a picture of THREE champagne glasses clinking??? That is because NO ONE wants to have an extra appendage around at new years. I haven't spent this occasion with any smug marrieds in ages, as they all want to hang out exclusively, thereby forcing the tragic spinsters to spend hundreds of dollars to buy a ticket to a bar (that will decorate with sad, measly streamers and run out of champagne before they get to MY TABLE at the dreaded hour) and get all dolled up in an attempt to get loaded and try to find someone to make out with at midnight. It's hard work!

I know that Ward and June won't mind having me around for this momentous usherance into 2009, as they are older, have seen many new years and simply don't give a sh*t any more. Still, I will (reluctantly) be looking straight into June Cleaver-Blogshaw's eyes at midnight to see if I can detect the look of pity and despair over my single status that I have grown to know and fear over the years. Honestly, if I got loaded and made out with one (or more) of the waiters at midnight that would please her more than if I sat there not trying!

Happy New Year Everyone!