Sunday, November 29, 2009

Trading Up


I have heard others describe Facebook as the root of all evil. I have now experienced the evil first hand. Through an invitation to a friend’s birthday party, I came across a picture of my ex, the crashing bore known as Mr. Hello Wall. First came the profile photo to show that he had bought a house. Then came the profile photo to indicate that not only is he married, but he married the woman he met on Craigslist after we broke up. He married the chrome sucking slut (see related post).

Now, the fact that I am not married to Mr. Hello Wall is just fine. The idea of spending the rest of my life with a (poorly endowed) man who is only capable of having lengthy conversations about his salary and/or new car would be punishing. However, I am disturbed and insulted by who he married. After all, is it not a universally known fact that, when one relationship ends, your next partner is supposed to be an IMPROVEMENT on the last???!!! The only thing he’s been known to brag about her is the fact that “she could suck the chrome off a fender”. Fair enough – I never liked the guy enough to perform that task for him. I guess, for some men (or, perhaps, most men…), that’s all it really takes…

I’m not sure what would possess someone to advertise themselves on the Casual Encounters section of Craigslist (a website known more for the buying and selling of scummy old furniture than for scummy old vaginas…), but this is where Mr. Hello Wall found love. What scares the sh*t out of me is that he might actually think he did trade up???!!! Good lord – I’ve seen the photos. I’m having a crisis of confidence! Do I not have as much to offer as someone who sells their body online???!!!

Despite this perplexing scenario, I am still a big believer in the theory of trading up. After all, I did!

11 comments:

Jane Wonder said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again... Facebook is the devil. The only possible way to protect yourself from nonsense like this is to unfriend exes so you simply don't know when they buy a house and marry the blowjob of their dreams.

SpOtFaCtS said...

All i can say is "ouch"! But you know what that goes to show you how much brain that man had. Your better off without him! it would've been an insult to you if you and him were still together don't you think?

The Peach Tart said...

Facebook sucks and so does Mr. Hello Wall. Oh wait that's his new wife. You did good to get rid of him.

Musaffir said...

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JennAventures said...

Doesn't the easy access of facebook suck? At least you can feel superior to the chrome suction fender :)

The nitty-gritty tales of a housewife said...

HELLO CARRIE,THE BITTER TRUTH MOST SPINSTERS DON'T KNOW IS THAT SEX PLAYS A MAJOR ROLE IN A MAN'S LIFE THAN FOOD AND BEING NEAT.INDEED YOU ARE MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN MR HELLO- WALL'S WIFE BUT YOU DID NOT HOOK HIM! WHY? SHE BLEW HIS MIND OFF WITH A GOOD BLOW-JOB!MEN MARRY FOR DIFFERENT REASONS AND HIS WAS FOR BLOW-JOB!STOP CRYING OVER SPLIT-MILK; YOU DID NOT LIKE THE GUY ENOUGH TO PERFORM SUCH TASK, SO WHY BLOWING OFF A GASKET WHEN ANOTHER LADY GOT HER SINKERS IN HIM? ME THINK THE GREEN-EYE-DEMON IS LURKING AROUND THE CORNERS. MEN WANTS A WHORE IN THEIR BEDROOM, A CHEF IN THEIR KITCHEN AND A MAID IN THEIR PARLOR! TRY TO BE THESE 3 PERSONS AND SEE IF YOU WON'T GET MARRIED FAST!

Carrie Blogshaw said...

tell it like it is, Nitty Gritty!!! To avoid being passed over for the next Craigslist hooker, I will do my best to be a whore in the bedroom and a chef in the kitchen (I already have the 'maid' thing down pat). thanks!

Glogirly and Katie said...

Oh Carrie, don't worry. It sure doesn't sound like any trading up has taken place here. I used to be married to the same guy. Well at least his loser stereotype brother. I'd have been better off alone that with him. Happily, when I least expected it I did bump into Mr. Right. And the ex? Well he found Mrs. Right Now.

Good things come to those who aren't even looking.

Mz. Indecisive said...

I agree...I think many guys only consider their brain below the waist...and you know what they say...p**** don't have a face! Take pride in knowing YOU traded up, and laugh at his stupidity!

richard said...

Couldn't agree more... now what kind of a d*** would put himself up on CL?
Married dating site for those looking for a married affair, or in a relationship,
and looking for a marital affair or married dating.
www.marriedaffair.co.uk

Diane Michelle Brooks said...

I wrote a blog on how facebook ruined one of my relationships. In reality it just jump-started the end to an already doomed relationship.