Friday, June 4, 2010

The Men You Should Never Marry

Perhaps, someday soon, someone will write an article about the type of man one should marry. In the meantime, here are weirdos to watch out for. These tips have been brought to us by National Moderate News Magazine. The main correspondent, quite shockingly, is Father Pat Connor, an 81 year old priest from New Jersey. I know, I know... it seems so wrong. Like, what the hell would he know? Well, he's been listening to the real housewives of New Jersey complain in the confessional for decades and has passed on these transcendental tips:

* Money really is important in a relationship. Father Pat's words: "Yes. Yes. Yes, to that one." Ew. That was waaaaay too many yes's coming from a priest. Ew.
* Never marry a man who cannot hold down a job. Ew. Ew ew ew. Ew.
* Never marry a man who has no friends. Fair enough. Linking yourself to Johnny No Mates means he'll never take off for a boys weekend and leave you the eff alone.
* Never marry a man who is more affectionate in public than in private. Why?!
* Never marry a man whose first wife had to sue for child support. The first wife. Child support. Welcome to dating in your 30's. Isn't it glam?
* If you feel no physical attraction to him, don't marry him. Unless he's Trump. Or Hef. Or King. Or an oil baron. Or a CEO of a large multinational. Or...
* Never marry a man who notices all your faults but never his own. Yowza - Father really does know best!


Ginger said...

Father knows best Carrie. and his points are right on. I can easily relate to money being an issue. A man who cannot commit to a job cannot commit to a marriage. More affectionate in public than in private...pretender? serial wife beater [they are notorious for maintaining outward appearances]. Thanks for sharing. now gotta do my duty and share it too.

JennAventures said...

hmmm, I'm dating a guy who notices all my faults but never his own...hmm, maybe this blog is a sign?

Carrie Blogshaw said...

Jenn, I hear you. Men can be very quick to point out our faults without highlighting their own. This blog IS a sign if, the next time he points out your flaws and you point out his, he is still unable to see it. Good luck!