Sunday, March 22, 2009

Relationship Killers a la eHarmony

Just when I think I’ve had my last communication from eHarmony (why, WHY did I ever sign up for that bloody free weekend???), I receive another email that makes me sad for the people who pay good money only to get relationship advice like this. The experts at eHarmony feel that, in order to have a successful relationship, daters should NEVER say the following:

* “Then I guess we shouldn’t be dating!” Ummmm, yeah, then I guess not………

* “Why can’t you be more/less like my ex?” Agreed. If anyone put that kind of comparison on me I’d be running for the hills.

* “I’m just too tired from working all day to help you with that.” I have a demanding job and understand what it’s like to work like a maniac, however I agree with this – people who don’t pull their weight in relationships should be taken out back and shot.

* “Let’s go grave digging!” When the hell has that EVER happened??? Who wrote this sh*t???!!! For those of you who HAVE experienced this, then yes, it IS a relationship killer.

* “Do as I say, not as I do.” Agreed. As far as being bossy and demanding goes, I’d say I’m up there with the bossiest; however I am aware that if I want to boss people around to do stuff, I need to be doing things, too. The only stipulation to this is taking out the trash – that IS undeniably a man’s job and no woman should have to deal with such unpleasantry when there is a capable man around. Besides, we deal with enough of their rubbish....

* “You’re a lousy lover.” I can see how this would not inspire confidence……

* “You knew I was this way when you met me.” Through all the years of dating that I have experienced, I have learned the hard way that it is impossible to change people to be exactly how you want them to be if they are not already that way. Yes, people change as they get older, but not that much. My best friend’s mother once explained that if one is considering getting married and wants to imagine how it things will be further down the road, one should imagine their partner’s worst traits/habits and multiply them by 100. That’s apparently how it will be, so we better pick people who we can stand from the start!

* “No comment.” I don’t think I have EVER been able to withhold comment. Ever. Never.


mindes said...

"Let's go grave digging." Would be perfectly acceptable if there is a body to hide.

Anonymous said...

Uh ... Carrie ... you are not hood enough.
Urban Dictionary:
Meaning 4. When the male is doing a female doggy style and the male then pulls the female's arms out from under her so she goes face down into the surface you may be having sexual intercourse on.
"We were getting it on on the floor and I gave her a grave digger."
Don't even ask about Meaning 6.