Monday, March 2, 2009

With this ring...

I thee choke to death. No sh*t. I recently saw a report on respected national news channel about the story of a couple who got engaged. For many years, I struggled to understand why men want to get married and I still don’t entirely get it. I had decided long ago that the last thing men want to do is settle down and have a family. Although many people have refuted my belief (including men), I keep hearing stories like this one (gory details to follow), which reaffirm my belief. Here’s what happened:

An American man, who we’ll refer to as Asphyxiator, decided to propose to his longtime girlfriend, who we’ll call LUCKY. Asphyxiator thought it would be great to do something to surprise Lucky, and obviously had a lot of trouble trying to plan something fun, unusual or romantic. He decided to take Lucky to a local fast food joint with a bunch of their friends (for the love of god - just when you think ths story couldn't get any tackier, you find out that he attempted to propose at Wendy's...). There, he decided to slip the engagement ring into her MILKSHAKE. If ever there was a choking hazard, this was it (therefore proving that he really didn’t want to get engaged). I cannot believe how many stories I hear of men hiding rings in food, which makes me wonder what that is all about. Seriously – what is that about???!!!

Needless to say, Lucky choked on the ring but managed to swallow it and survive. Lucky Lucky! Adding insult to injury, she had to pass the ring to actually wear it. Yucky Lucky… Poor Asphyxiator – I guess it didn’t go as planned. I hope for their sakes that they will have a happy life together, however I urge Lucky to sleep with one eye open!