Sunday, November 23, 2008
How soon is too soon???
It's not very often that I date someone I like enough to get down to business. In reality, it's just not very often that I date someone I like. So when I do date someone who I'd like to make it work with, it's always a dilemma which requires much feedback from others. Seriously, how many dates (on average) should one wait?
It is pretty well decided that sleeping with someone on a first date is not good (not to say it's not GOOD, it could be very GOOD indeed, but it doesn't seem to send the right message). The first three dates seem to be sex write-offs, but after that it's a free for all of opinions and experiences.
It becomes a complicated situation indeed - as complicated as a military strategy which requires careful planning, cunning and troubleshooting. I feel the need to pick the perfect amount of dates in order to avoid disaster. I don't want to come off as a prude, so I don't want to wait TOO long, but I do want to come across as serious and interested. I would like to be considered the kind of girl you could take home to mom... So, how many dates does this take? Some people measure this in weeks or months and not dates. This is an interesting approach, but if one was to be going on an average of 2 dates per week, 8 dates could have been had in one month, which is A LOT of dates compared to people dating on a once-a-week type schedule.
I've read Madonna's SEX book, which is very insightful in the free-love, experimental, woman of lesser virtue, oh-my-god-how-many-people(of different genders)-can-you-get-off-with-in-one-eveing kind of way.
There is a great website on dating tips (www.topdatingtips.com) that resonates more to wholesome and excessively proper people like me. I see how going for it too soon can make one come across as "easy", however sex is an important part of a relationship and if it's not going to work, it's better to find that out early and move on.
Three dates or fewer is too few. Four to five dates seems early but more reasonable. I'm thinking of a better number here - the number six. Not only does it rhyme with sex, making it both straightforward and a mnemonic device, but also, it's a great compromise between the numbers 1 (hooker) and 10 (frigid bitch).