Wednesday, January 7, 2009

The Man Plan

This is my new favourite book and I haven't even read it yet.

My attention was rapt as the author (a gorgeous blonde, so how could she have been having problems meeting men?) explained her story on my favourite television news magazine, Inside Edition. She went on over 100 dates (something I have contemplated doing, but cannot muster up the self-hatred that would be the only force to compel myself to ACTUALLY do it) and the book summarizes all of the interesting tidbits that she learned about men along the way. According to The Man Plan, the points below will help us land the man of our dreams. Whether or not we decide to keep them around after landing them will apparently be up to us.

* Smell of vanilla - it drives them crazy (as does the smell of pumpkin and, naturally, bacon...)

* Always wear high heels

* Try to strategically reveal a hint of undergarment - but ONLY a hint, you voracious sluts!!!

* Try to appear interested in what he has to say (this may be the hardest of all)

* Try to exhibit some knowledge of "manly" things such as sports, business, porn...

* Avoid "stripper nails" (although they may be fascinated by the look when at the rippers, they don't seem to want to see the look on us)

I will, of course, advise you of my progress. I have to go now and douse myself in vanilla extract after I take off my press-on nails.

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