Tease

I’ve been called a lot of things in my time, but to be called a TEASE by the last guy that I dated, Emotional Fuckwit ’08, was quite shocking. I don’t see myself as a tease, and neither do my friends (I've conducted a lengthy survey on prudish behaviour to investigate this claim). I doubt my family would describe me that way either, however I’d prefer not to ask their opinions on this one…

To say that my friends consider me to be a frigid b*tch is not an exaggeration. I admit to having gone through a promiscuous phase in university, but I recovered as soon as I graduated and have not gone back. I am now loyal and monogamous when in relationships and conduct myself accordingly. I’m sure you can imagine the look on my wholesome, delicate-flower face when this dude called me a tease WHILE WE WERE FOOLING AROUND!!!???!!!

After that incredibly awkward encounter, we decided to torture ourselves further by continuing to date. He professed his desire to be in a relationship and seemed to be quite on board with my approach to life and dating (well, when I wasn’t being a TEASE).

When he wasn’t insulting me sexually, we had quite a lot of fun. Both of us seemed to think it was a good fit. The rest of our dating drama consisted of one communication breakdown after another, complimented by the odd good date. After a while, he started calling in a sporadic pattern that made no sense and did not promote dating or relationship-building. Clearly, he has no future as a telemarketer.

It was confusing – he would call me 1 or 2 weeks after a date, or 1 week after I’d called him (not sexy). We would get together and he would make me feel like the most desirable woman on the planet, and then I wouldn’t hear from him. Most perplexing of all is that he continues to call bi-weekly without acknowledging that we stopped seeing each other almost 2 months ago. Whenever I see the name ‘Emotional Fuckwit’ appear on my phone, I want to run and hide. Poor beggar. And HE called ME a tease???!!!