Sunday, January 18, 2009

SWF, 107, Seeks Younger Man

No, I am not making this up. Yes, this is a TRUE story!

A 107 year old woman in Beijing has decided to start looking for a husband. She never married when she was younger (which could really be ANY age under 106 at this point) and she now regrets her decision. She is worried that her nieces and nephews will not have time to take care of her, as they are busy with their own lives, so she feels that she should have a life partner to help take care of her. Wow – do I ever admire her optimism! Me? I accepted the fact that I might die alone when I turned 30…

She is hoping to meet a fellow centenarian, so that they will have common interests to talk about. My grandpa Blogshaw lived to be a centenarian, so I have some knowledge on how life is at 100… Unfortunately for her, she may not know that most people who live to that ripe old age probably lost their hearing 20 years previously, so there might not be too many enlightening conversations at that point in life. It could be possible to write love notes, however vision tends to decline along with the hearing….

Local officials have vowed to help this optimistic old lady out. They are going to start trawling retirement homes to see if there are any eligible bachelors for her. They have GOT to televise this. If she actually hooked up it would be a train wreck of jowly kisses and saggy butt pinches. This would make The Bachelor look like nothing but fun and games for the overly tanned. I would really like to see the reaction her profile would get on Unnamed Dating Website!

In 2007, there were 17,800 centenarians in China – that is WAY more than I would ever have expected. Perhaps her chances of meeting someone aren’t as bad as I thought. The only problem with being a woman in this situation is that men typically don’t live as long as us. This is most likely because they use up too much fuel playing games while dating when younger and it depletes resources that are needed in later life. That is sad.

I guess she might have to go younger – like a Goldie Hawn/Kurt Russel or Demi/Ashton arrangement. She might have to look for someone just under 100 to be safe. I wonder how courtship would play out for the lucky couple – as we know, older men are in short supply and she might have to battle the throngs of other single ladies who are hoping to score the lucid ones.

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