Guest Post: How To Get What You Want From Online Dating

Yay! Since I cannot figure it out for myself, I have turned to the experts from DatingSite.org. Read on for their amazingly accurate advice:

If there is something in this world that you want, you should go after it, right? Making a list of your goals and desires, and then finding a way to achieve them is a strong way to go about getting what you want. The trick is you have to be specific. The more specific you are in terms of what you want in life, the greater the chances are of you achieving those goals. This is a great way to determine what you want in most aspects of your life, including using a dating site.

You have to know what you want in a mate. What type of person are you looking for? It is often suggested to make a list of attributes and qualities you would like your significant other to possess. This goes far beyond physical characteristics. This list should include interests, goals, morals and values, and basically the things that might make your dream person tick. There are so many dating sites out there, and before you even begin to look for your perfect date, you may want to concentrate on finding the right dating site.

Each dating site has something unique to offer. If you know what it is you are looking for; if you are clear and specific in your wants, needs and desires, choosing the right dating site should be easy. Do a search and see what type of people are on the site. If the site caters to people that are not in your interest group, then move on to the next one. Once you see the type of people each individual site attracts, then you can determine if it’s the right site for you.

As important as it is to be specific with what you want, you also don’t want to be too picky. This may sound like a contradiction, but the fact is that sometimes we set our standards so high, no one could possibly live up to them. There is no such thing as a perfect person. If you meet someone who has six of the ten attributes you put on your “must have” list, I’d say you are doing very well. Be flexible and adaptable when meeting new people. If you hit it off right away, there may be potential for something long-term to develop. If you’re not looking for anything long-term, and simply want to meet and date a variety of people, you should definitely be up- front about your intentions. Communication is key, so let your date know what it is you were hoping to find when you went on the dating website in the first place.

Know what you want. Know what you’re looking for. Be specific and be patient. And have the faith to know that it will come to you in time if you put specific thought into getting what you want.

About the Author: Debbie Lamedman is an avid dating blogger. She frequently writes about dating for Dating Site.org. She is highly sought after by friends and bloggers for relationship advice.

Thank you, Debbie The Dating Doyenne!

Today's Funny

I implore you to watch the newest and greatest (click on title for video) from Juliette Lewis.

Because it’s silly. Because it’s hilarious. Because it’s true!

Review: Sliquid Silk (My New Favourite Thing)

Mmm Hmm! I am very pleased (and boy, was I ever pleased) to write my first sex toy review!

I was very generously awarded with Sliquid Silk, a sexy tube of lube from my friends at EdenFantasys. Having just started a new relationship, it took a while for me to get the chance to actually use it, but now that I did, I’ll never go back.

Sliquid Silk is pure sexual luxury in a bottle. This personal lubricant offers up a whole new set of sensations for both you and your partner (or for your own solo escapades). It has that “Je ne c’est quois” that other lubes just don’t have. You and your partner will look at each other wondering “How did they do that?” As the name implies, it miraculously feels like liquid silk and you will find yourself repeatedly grabbing the bottle to use more. Additionally, it is completely tolerable when it finds it way into your mouth and most importantly, it leaves no aftertaste. Sliquid Silk is an easy, inexpensive way to change things up in the bedroom and is a great way to surprise your partner.

I am very pleased to have formed a relationship not only with my luxurious new lube, but also with EdenFantasys. I encourage you, my randy readers, to check out their website and all of the fun, flirty fabulousness that is for sale. Offering online shopping (for those of you who like to protect your privacy) and great deals, there’s still time to hook yourseves up for the holidays!

How Many Women Does It Take To Date One Man?

No, there is no punchline, because this is not a joke!

If the guy I'm currently dating only knew how many women he's actually dating, he'd be quite the self-imagined stud. I admit that the current state of our 'relationship' is confusing. I admit that I played a part due to a lack of communication and initation. Now, I am left wondering where we're at. Still, I am wondering if it's even crossed his mind.

So, who is he dating? Well, besides me, he is dating my best mates (both married and single, gay and straight), my mother, my brother, my aunt and even one of my neighbours. If that isn't enough, he'd probably be surprised to know that he's also having a relationship with my therapist, my reiki master, my physician and my boss. Who is he not having a relationship with? Me!

Any thoughts, people?! Yeesh...

Master Of My (Dating) Domain

At this point in my life, I can safely say that I am the master of many of the domains of which I am in charge. I am the master of my home. I am the master of my career. I am the master of masturbation. What am I not the master of? My dating life.

For women such as myself, why do we allow this? We take charge to get what we want. When we want it. We won't take no for an answer. Why, then, do we allow our precious dating lives to rest in the hands of men? Why do we give them the power?

Let's face it: Most men initiate dating and that is great. Most men initiate sex and that is great, too. While men initiate dating (phew!), most men do not initiate taking a relationship to the next level. Or the level after that. Of the women I know who are in relationships, all of them have to had initiate the excruciating 'exclusivity' talk. Once that has been established, it typically rests on the woman to initiate the 'are we boyfriend/girlfriend?' talk. Why, god, why?!

Men: It seems as though you want to date women. It certainly seems that you want to have sex. Some of you seem to want to have sex with one woman exclusively. Why, why, why doesn't it occur to you to make it a sure thing? Once asked, many guys seem to think it's a great idea.

Women: What are the rules around this? Are we supposed to initiate the dreaded discussions?? Do we continue to hold out hopefully and wait for our men to start these super-important sermons???

As Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger insists, women should never 'give it up' before having the exclusivity chat. Is it even possible in this day and age? Will men stick around that long or will they give up and escort elsewhere?! Men have no problems picking their favourite beer and having long relationships with it. They typically have to be torn away from their Playstation or Xbox consoles.. They have no problem picking their favourite pornos and developing disgustingly devoted relationships with that...!

Guest Post: What Men Aren't Looking For

This week, I am pleased to announce that we have a special guest post from online dating expert, Elizabeth of WeLoveDates.com. Though I've been around the block a few times, I do not have the sage and sound advice of this dating doyenne. Read below for her amazing and advantageous advice:

We Love Dates is an online dating website & dating advice blog for singles in the UK, Ireland, US, Canada, South Africa & Australia. Liz blogs (and vlogs!) daily about all things online dating, love, sex and relationships

What Men Aren't Looking For
There are articles among articles about what Men are looking for, how to be the kind of girl he wants, how to make him fall for you, yadda yadda...but what about the things that drive him away faster than you can say “commitment”? I like to think that We Love Dates has taught me a few things about men (here's hoping), so here are a few things Mr. Right is NOT looking for.

Looks, but no brains. Initially, men are attracted to physical qualities of a woman-it's biology. But while your looks might be enough for him to approach you, it's not enough for him to stick around. Contrary to popular belief, men want more than just a pretty face or arm candy. They want to be able to actually talk to the girl they're dating...novel idea, right?

A Cage. One of the main reasons why so many men are notorious commitment phobes is because they associate being in a relationship with being trapped in a cage and the end of all their “fun.” Good-bye drunken afternoons spent watching the game with the guys, hello Saturdays at the mall holding her purse. When you force a man to change his life, he feels trapped-sooner or later he'll resent you for it, and run for the hills.

Marriage and babies...at FIRST, at least. There are women who have one thing on their mind-a sparkly diamond ring and a bun in the oven. Ok, that's two things. These women are husband hunters, and a man can smell the desperation from a mile away. Some women start talking about getting married on the third date...and then they wonder why he never calls again. Guys want to let nature take it's course and would rather wait a bit longer to be certain it's right than jump into anything. Plus, he wants to know if you genuinely want him, or if you just want someone.

Another Mom. When you start nagging...telling him what to do...being all around needy and questioning his every move, he will begin to associate you with momma. And there's nothing sexy about being in the same category as the woman who birthed him. Awkward...

Sex Type Thing

Ahhh, new sex...

Well, maybe it's not always Ahhh, maybe it's more like Uhhh... New sex is great - it's different and exciting. However, that is also what can make it anxiety-inducing and stressful. Having had new sex recently (yes!), I can attest to this. After many makeouts, I was so ready to get it on. The new guy, as yet unnamed, is smart, funny and extremely sexy. I was ready. Well, as ready as I could be, less the new nookie nerves.

What was so anxiety inducing for me? Sex is sex, right? Wrong. There are aspects of sex that are standard, however there are some that aren't. Having had fabulous foreplay previously, I knew it was a sure thing, but I didn't know how it would play out. Would we be so worried that it would effect our erotic expression? Would I be so tense that I would inadvertently (and unfortunately) deny him entry and bust the mood?? Would it be a jumbled mess of uncoordinated limbs in all the wrong places???

That is what was going on in my head at the time. What was going on in his head? Well, truth be told, both heads probably reside in the same place at that point, right?!

This nookie rookie is pleased to report that all went well. Particularly, the second time around. Practice makes purrfect!

Review & Giveaway: The American Heiress by Daisy Goodwin

This month's review and giveaway is of The American Heiress, the debut novel of British author Daisy Goodwin. Goodwin, the daughter of a film producer and writer/interior designer and sister of a writer, comes by her craft honestly. The amount of research performed to enrich the historic storyline is impressive and she writes about British aristocracy expertly.

The story revolves around American heiress Cora Cash. Miss Cash is young, vibrant and charming. And very, very rich. When Cora comes of age, her overbearing mother takes her overseas to find a rich husband of title. Yes, this is how the wealthy dated in the late 1800's. Why did we ever change this practice?!

During her travels, Cora is rescued by a tall, dark and handsome man. Who happens to be a Duke. After a quick courtship, Cora becomes an American heiress of British title. An aristocrat. An aristoCash! Isn't life grand? Perhaps not, as she grapples to deal with her devious mother in law, the notorious 'Double Duchess' (known as such, as she managed to score not one but two husbands of title in her time). Will she relinquish her hold over the manor for the dazzling new duchess? Will the Duke's former lover, the gorgeous yet guileful Charlotte Beauchamp, walk away with grace or give Cora a run for her money?? Will the trappings of British formality and custom be too much for Cora to contend with???

This book is a total page-turner. The storyline is incredibly compelling. Goodwin sets the tone and leaves no detail amiss when delicately describing the particulars of daily life towards the turn of the 20th century. Drama, deception, romance and heart-wrenching heartbreak - this tantalizing tome has it all and is the perfect book to curl up in front of the fire with this winter.

The giveaway: For a chance to win a hardcover copy of this book, please visit my new website at www.carrieblogshaw.com

Seriously Seeking Mr. Darcy

Over the past few months, I have been unsure regarding what lies out there for me in the realm of romance. I have wondered if I will stay single, go on to meet Mr. Right, or go on to meet Mr. MaybeThisIsn'tRightButItsWhatsOutThereForMe. Right.

Today, I was stirred and surprised to find that the local womens television network was showing Bridget Jones's Diary. Again. This was great, because I'd only seen it 127 times and hadn't memorized all the lines yet. Now, I have. This movie has always tugged at my heartstrings. By that, I mean that I am in floods of tears by the end of the film, desperately longing to find a lover like Mark Darcy. How fabulous would it be to be with a man who will buy you a new journal so that you can record new, happy events from the start of your relationship? Who would give up a pricey post in a new city to remain with you in yours?? Who would look at you lovingly while you whip up a disgusting dinner of blue string soup and congealed green gunge???

My hope has been renewed that maybe, someday, I will go on to find my Mark Darcy. Who will find my antics amusing. Who will love my wobbly bits. Who will wrap me up in his overcoat as I run to him (sporting seasonally inapropriate attire) after a major misunderstanding in a busy, snowy street.

Daniel Cleaver? Been there, done that. Mark Darcy? Don't mind if I do!

Let's Get Physical

Ahhh, the physical pain that acts as a rude reminder of how long it's been since you got some...

After a particularly arousing makeout session with the current dreamy guy, I woke up the next day with aches and pains all over. Where were these aches and pains, you wonder? Well, my arms and shoulders were sore (from supporting myself from not falling into him, which might not have been so bad...), I had a crick in my neck from where we fell asleep with our heads together (awww...) and I had tremendous inner thigh pain (from squeezing his sexy bod between my legs). It was stimulating. It was exciting. It brought me out of my sexual coma. Yes!

Trainers say that the best way to beat muscle aches and pains is to continue the exercise. Done. And let me say - the pain is good!

Decisions, Decisions...

I have no choice other than to quote The Lovin Spoonful:

"Did you ever have to make up your mind? And say yes to one and let the other one ride. Did you ever have to make up your mind? You pick up on one and leave the other one behind. Did you ever have to finally decide?"

So, this is where I'm at. After being back on the scene a short while, I have met a guy who's definitely dreamy. We have gone on a few dates, so it's still early days, but I am interested to see what will happen. Sounds great, right?! Are you thinking there must be a catch? Well, of course there is. I had noticed that another suitor was becoming increasingly interested. When out the other night, he revealed his crazy crush. This crushed me. Why now? Where was he one month ago, before I'd met the other guy? Where had he been 4 years ago when he had the chance? Both guys have great qualities and are fun to hang out with. Why are they here at once? Where were they during the many months of solitary singledom I had to endure over the past few years?? Why am I so confused???

Being that it's early days, anything could happen that might cause one to be the front-runner over the other. One could drop out of the race (how gay would he be?!). One could reveal baggage that might send me running for the hills. One could reveal his psycho side and send me running for the pills...

I know that multiple dating is a common occurrance. I think it's great that people can juggle many suitors. I, however, prefer to focus on one person. What if dating gets more and more serious? I don't like the thought of kissing more than one guy at a time. I don't like the thought of having to learn the life stories of more than one person at a time. What if I end up confusing Dude 1's stories with Dude 2's?! I'm not sure how far people are taking multiple dating these days, but I would certainly not be able to sleep with 2 dudes at once. Well, you know what I mean. Ew.

Is this my fault? During my unpleasant period of unemployment this summer, I asked the universe for abundance. Um, universe, I meant in terms of career options! Abundance, as it relates to sexy single men, is fine with me. However, I like it to be sequential or successive, not prompt and plentiful!

Dating Etiquette 102

Now that I am fully back in the dating game, I feel it is time to publish another set of rules as they apply to dating. In my previous post, Dating Etiquette 101, I addressed many of the major offences that I was experiencing. Now, I am pointing out the strange new methods that men are trying to use. Dudes, please take note of the following and try to correct your bad behaviour:

Online Dating Tips for Men (Take Two):

* When introducing yourself, please refrain from using opening lines such as "Whoa...", "Ho-LY" or "Hot Stuff!" A much more effective and less offensive introduction might be: "Hello, How are you", "Hi, Are you having a nice evening?" or "Good Evening, I would like to let you know that I am a normal, mature, confident and emotionally available man..."

* After introducing yourself, please do not offer to kiss the inside of my thighs. Yes, this happened a couple of weeks ago. Do I want my thighs kissed? Yes. Do you want to kiss them? Obviously. The only body part that will result in being kissed by this kind of come-on will be my ass.

* One of my sexy singleton pals helped me to figure out why some men don't use a profile picture, but then contact you and send you 'backstage' photos. Why is this? Because they are married. Again, as addressed in the previous post, if you are married, you should NOT be on a dating website. Not to despair, however, as Ashley Madison exists exclusively for you. Their tagline is: "Life is short. Have an affair." Go for it, you miserable marrieds!

* Once dating has begun, let's try not to rely on texting as the main method of communication. I'm not saying that we need to be on the phone all the time - communication can be mixed up through phone calls, texts and emails. Texts only? Snippets and emoticons can only express so much and leave much to be decoded. Try talking - I swear, it works.

* If you look like a serial killer in your profile picture, and/if you actually are a serial killer, please don't contact me. I am done with psycho killers!

The Luck Of The Irish

Oh yes, Liam was a lucky man last night...
Out for drinks and dancing with the girls at an Irish bar, I was hit on by Liam, a carousing, cartoonish character who must have woken up this morning with one hell of a hurting hangover!
Liam is not my type. I am not into old guys. I am not into drunk guys. I am not into having the same introductory conversation over and over again because someone is so loaded that they can't remember what you just said...
Once my late mates arrived, I was able to extricate myself from Liam's lecherous presence. He did a jig over to our table a couple of times, asking if he could buy us drinks. The answer? No, thanks! I knew that if we allowed him to buy a round, we wouldn't be able to get rid of him.
The mistake I made that evening? When he asked for my phone number, I blanked and, not knowing how to tactfully decline, I timidly divulged my digits. Why? Because I am a wimp. How do you politely deny giving someone your phone number? I've never been good at that. I feel badly for them. I'm too empathetic. However, it is pathetic to not be able to stand up for oneself and say the right thing. So, what is the right thing to say? Are we to lie ("Sorry, I have a boyfriend.", "Oh, I'm due back at the mental institution first thing tomorrow morning.." or "Unfortunately, I flushed my phone down the toilet earlier...")? Are we to give the wrong phone number (or, the right number to someone who has wronged us in the past?!)? Sounds like bad karma to me...
Lucky Liam sure found the pot of gold. I'll let you know how our drunken date goes. Cheers!

What Guys Really Think: 10 Traits That Make Him Cringe

Are they or aren't they? Picky, that is. Mostly, men seem to be thought of as being far less choosy than their female counterparts, however new research suggests that dudes really do care more than we think. According to relationship researcher Jane Hoskyn, there are 10 traits that turn men off. Take note of the following success saboteurs:
1. Wearing Too Much Makeup - One of the reasons that I am not currently a lesbian (having given it much thought recently) is that I cannot picture myself making out with someone who's wearing makeup. A little bit of lip gloss and eyeshadow? Fabulous. A smokey eye, thick mascara, buckets of blush and lashings of lippy? Forget it.
2. Playing Hard To Get - Playing coy? Cute. Playing as hard to capture as a slipper koi fish? So common and cliche.
3. Being On A Diet - Being fit and fabulous? Sexy. Being fragile, feeble and faint? Not so spicy.
4. Curvalicious Clothes - Got a bangin' bod? Wear clothes that flatter your figure and make him want to see more of your curves. Got a barely clad butt? Wear trainers so that you can chase him as he runs away.
5. Being One Of The Boys - Burping, farting and football? No, no and no.
6. Inflated Boobs - Big, small, pushed up, pressed down, round, oblong or zeppelin-like? No problem. Got ghoulish, ghastly globes? Not interested.
7. Fake Tan - Have you seen Jersey Shore? 'Nuff said.
8. Shyness - Confidence is the new cute. Arrogance is the new cue to leave.
9. Being An Anti-Career Girl - Got a great job? Your enthusiasm will be infectious. Got a horrible job you hate? Your lack of enthusiasm will be like an infectious disease.
10. Letting Him Do All The Talking - What makes you interesting? Your fabulous job, friends, family and joie de vivre. What makes him interesting? The fact that he's chosen you!

Mojo Risin'

That’s right!
I guess that first kiss has woken my sex drive from a temporary slumber. In the months after my most recent breakup, I had not experienced much sexual desire. I just wasn’t interested. In fact, for quite a long time, I was disgusted by men. All men. I did start to wonder about this, but wasn’t too concerned, as it seemed a fitting feeling. Who (well, besides a man…) would feel like getting it on after a massive heartbreak?
After my last makeout session, I have been feeling quite differently. I feel sexual again. I feel sexy. I feel desire! Experiencing a sexual breakthrough is quite something. I am going to do everything I can to make the most of my sexual renaissance. I will make out with every willing partner that I am attracted to. I will enjoy the tingles and warm flushes when they strike. I will masturbate like a jail bird. Like a lurking perv.. Like a teenage boy who just discovered his first sexual fixation – just like I used to not so long ago…
Am I looking to hook up with the first attractive man who makes the grade? Um, no. Am I looking? Oh, yes!

First Kiss

Ahh, the first kiss. Well, not that first kiss, I mean the first kiss after a breakup. Ahh, that first kiss!
In the past few months, I’ve had dates, dirty dances and furious flirtations with some pretty interesting guys. But it was only last week that I worked up to that first kiss. It was a hot, steamy night at a private party in Cosmopolitan City. Who showed up? A former colleague with whom I had sparked in the past. This was not our first makeout session (we had given coworkers an eyeful a few years ago at a private party…). We had always flirted and there had always been an attraction. After spending some time catching up, we took the time to reminisce about that last makeout session. Before I knew it, we were at it again. It was hot. It was passionate. It came at just the right time.
Over the past few months, I had lost my mojo. I wasn’t terribly concerned, as it seemed relevant to the situation at hand. I have wondered, more recently, when I was going to get my mojo back. I typically have a high sex drive and was surprised at how long I was able to function with no feeling between my belly button and my knees. Recently, that ‘no entry’ zone of mine has become more of an ‘enter with caution’ zone. Pretty soon, if I get going enough, that ‘enter with caution’ zone might become a ‘no exit’ zone!

Review & Giveaway: Twang: A Novel by John Schlimm

It’s time for another book review and giveaway, y’all!
Twang: A Novel is written by John Schlimm, a former country music publicist. Schlimm has drawn upon his experience to pen this provocative publication.

The story weaves together the intriguing lives of fictional country music superstars in a Nashville that is nastier and naughtier than one might expect. The character that ties the lives together is Billie Blotter, a famous columnist for Country Crooners Magazine. He has earned the trust of Nashville’s elite, but is he about to turn that trust into the biggest tabloid take of the century?
The central storyline revolves around the Field Sisters, two of country music’s biggest superstars. Older sister Salome is totally over the top and the diva of the pairing. Younger sibling Willa, the true musical talent with a velvet voice, begrudgingly participates in Salome’s desperate need to remain at the top of the charts. The duo perform outrageous shows for their faithful followers, the Field Hands, that are often followed by legendary fights. On top of raging sibling rivalry, Salome has a salacious secret that, if leaked, could separate the sisters forever.
In Hollywood (or, Hollywacked, as Salome says), we learn the tawdry truth about Ashley Field, mega movie star and son of Salome. Between box office sizzles (and, lately, fizzles), partying at premieres and frequent fornication (with only the hottest models and actresses), can Ashley manage to maintain his image or will he fall victim to his lascivious lifestyle?
Back in Nashville, Hope Tanner and Thad Evans are the hottest country music couple since Tim and Faith or Blake and Miranda. Hope plans to make an announcement sure to shock everyone. Will Thad, recently distracted and totally tempermental, eclipse Hope’s hype with a rocking revelation of his own?
Amidst all of the delish drama is Nat Oldham, former beauty queen and current persevering publicist. Nat, not busy enough managing the culminating careers of the Field Sisters or working on her moribund marriage, prefers to catapult new band The Border Babes to superstardom. Will the Babes bring Nat the recognition she so desperately desires?

Drama. Romance. Secrets. Celebrity.
For anyone who enjoys TMZ, gossip rags or E!, this rousing read is for you. Try to put it down as Schlimm weaves the storylines tightly together into a saucy and stimulating summer read. Will you guess the secrets before they are revealed? Will you develop an insatiable interest in the lives of country crooners?? Will you be able to put down this provocative page-turner and carry on with the details of daily life???

Enter to win a FREE download & $10 giftcard to Amazon.com. Go to my new website: http://www.carrieblogshaw.com Good luck!

Today's Funny

Jackpot

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, ‘Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!’
The husband said, ‘Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?’
‘Doesn’t matter,’ she said. ‘Just get out.’

heh!

Relationtip: Catcalls

Okay guys, seriously...
The catcall I received today has inspired me to educate men as to the success rate of this creepy callout. Oh, and it's not just me who feels this way... This goes for all women - believe me.

Today, while innocently pumping gas after a blissful yoga class, I was accosted with a cloying catcall. A (pot-bellied, slovenly) middle-aged man in a (dirty) wifebeater got out of his thumping, heaving truck and started panting heavily. So heavily that it could be heard over the badgering beats. All of a sudden, I hear: "Look at you, working that pump, eh? I'd like to pump you." Nice. That's exactly the kind of pick up I go for.

What came next was shocking and sickening. And unexpected, as it's usually only the lowest of the low who pull this type of move. After his charming and endearing love message, he gave the "lick-ey face" with full tongue. Lovely...

Anyhoo, we're going out on Saturday night. I'll let you know how it goes!

The Proposal

Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of G No's proposal and my acceptance. What a difference a year has made. The anniversary of this ominous occasion was difficult for me. I'm wondering how it was for him.
I have decided to share with you, my reticent readers, the letter he gave me when he proposed. Why? I'm wondering if you can help me make sense of it all. The letter below sounds like it was written by a man who was deeply in love. Nine months later, he ran out the door. Three months later, I am still confused by what has happened. Re-reading the letter hasn't made this easier to reconcile.
Here goes:

Bright, beautiful Carrie,
I love you so much.
When I see you sleepy,
I just want to hold you or keep vigil at your side,
keep you safe.
When I see you happy,
talking away about family, friends or work,
I brighten. Everything is right.
When we're apart, I trace in my imagination the distant flush
along your cheek and smile:
I am a lucky man.
I offer you this sparkling ring and this love message on silver paper
because you deserve your fairy tale
and I will love you forever after
with deepest earnestness.
There is no difficulty in such a promise.
It is like wind through the grass:
natural,
effortless. What should be.
Yours,
G No

PS - Now is the flower-laden summertime. No ice age lasts forever. This is the YOC (year of Carrie)!

Wow. Well, we all know it didn't last forever. It was not effortless. This is not how the fairy tale was supposed to end. My questions are: Does he feel badly? Does he even remember?? Does he feel anything???
The year of Carrie? Not so far!
Deepest earnestness? Uh, no. Whoever this Earnest is, maybe I should try to meet him?!

Birthday Blues

Just when I thought I was making progress moving on from the serious split with G No, I had a nasty reminder of the past show up in my calendar last week. After suffering through a particularly horrendous week at work, I woke up on Friday morning (a beautiful, sunny day), and checked my calendar. All it took to shake my morning up were two words: 'G No's Birthday!' Yech.
I had been reminded of it off and on, when I wasn't totally distracted by my worrisome work situation. But all of a sudden, there it was. I thought about what I had done for him in the past and how we had celebrated before. I had, months previously, known that I would have done what I always do to celebrate his day: made arrangements for a fun night out, bought one of his favourite desserts and gotten him a thoughtful, heartfelt gift. Not this year.
The lesson to be learned here? Not that I would have thought about it then, but I know now: Go through your calendar, girls! Erase all reminders of the past - there will be no more celebrations with that person. Ultimately, I care and hope that he had a nice day (well, not as nice as it would have been had he been with me, of course... I wonder if he's missing his birthday blow job?!). But, for the love of brutal breakups, let's remove these wretched reminders so that we don't have to suffer the birthday blues!

If You Had My Love...

Mmm... Not so much... Stop the presses! J Lo and Marc Anthony announced their split today. What happened? They sounded like a very happy couple. I must say (because, I'm like that...) that they certainly weren't matched in attractiveness, which is an indicator of successful couples. She is a sexy stunner and his nickname is Skeletor. J Lo is a ravishing beauty who is always smiling and glowing. Marc Anthony? Not so much. In fact, I've seen people on life support who have more of a glow than he does... I can't say that I understand what the attraction was for her. Does she have a thing for hollow cheeks? Sallow Skin?? The Grim Reaper???

This split marks the end of J Lo's third marriage. You have to admire her pluck. I do! How many times can one marry before one realizes that marriage might not be for them? How many acrimonious divorces can one handle? Certainly, multiple marriages are a luxury for celebrities - the rest of us couldn't afford it! So, here she is today - a thrice divorced, notorious single mom with an incredibly busy career. Her legs are the feature of the latest Venus ad campaign. Her cleavage-baring, super-slit Versace dress has gone down in the history of sexiness.. Her a** is practically more famous than she is... Yeah, I'd marry her, too!

Review & Giveaway: Beneath A Starlet Sky by Amanda Goldberg & Ruthanna Khalighi Hopper

How exciting – my first book review and my first giveaway! I was honoured when I was contacted to review this book. I was also nervous, as I was rendered unable to concentrate for the first 6 weeks after my most recent breakup. Would I be able to read a book from cover to cover? Would I be able to focus on the storyline and content?? Would I be able to concentrate and get through the book in less than a year??? Well, I did. Now, I am excited to share my victory with you.

Beneath A Starlet Sky is written by daughters of Hollywood royalty. Amanda Goldberg is the daughter of TV producer Leonard Goldberg and Ruthanna Khalighi Hopper is the daughter of film legend Dennis Hopper. They grew up amongst Hollywood’s elite and now they write about it expertly.

The book centers around the experience of our heroine, Lola Santisi. Lola’s father is a top film producer and her mother is a fame-hungry former model and star of a new reality show. A reformed actor-holic, Lola is excited and relieved to be dating a doting doctor in LA. She is also thrilled about her new position as CEO of her bff’s new fashion line, Julian Tenant, Inc. Lola has a lot on her plate: a burgeoning career, a budding romance and a busy schedule. Next up? A trip to Cannes, which will see her launch the fashion line, attend the film festival (where both her brother and her father will be competing for the coveted Palme D’Or) and have a glamourous European getaway with her bf. Or not…

This story has everything a sexy singleton could want in fun, frothy fiction: fashion, style, glamour, romance, celebrity, a family that puts the ‘fun’ in dysfunction and heart-wrenching breakups that leave you yearning for heart-warming makeups. A tantalizing treat whether on the beach, at the pool, on the dock or in the park. Indulge yourself in an escapist, exciting and romantic read this summer.

Now for the giveaway: A copy of this book will be given to the first person who sends an email to info@carrieblogshaw.com citing the subject: Beneath A Starlet Sky. This giveaway is open to residents of the United States and Canada only. Please include your name and mailing address. This book now holds a special place in my heart and I am pleased to share it with you. Enter on my new website: www.carrieblogshaw.com Good luck!

I've Still Got It!

Phew!
One of the hardest parts of any break up is dealing with the horrible feeling of rejection. In my case, it was less of a rejection and more of G No being unable to operate at my level, but I digress... After he took off, I worried that I might not meet someone new. That I might not be a desirable partner for someone better.. That I might have lost my touch...
About one month ago, I went on my first date in over 2 years. I had performance anxiety, as I felt I had become a bit of an expert in my serial dating experience before meeting G No. Could I still be smart, funny and charming on a date? Could I still attract a man?? Could I achieve second date status??? I met up with a very nice guy. We had a lovely date and I was all of those things. I was exhausted that night, but he was impressed by my energy. Again, phew! Unfortunately, I did not feel a connection with him and when he asked for a second date, I had to turn him down. He was cool about it, so it ended up being a very nice first exposure back into the scene.
Two weeks ago, I went out with one of my bff's and we ended up at a banker bar in Cosmopolitan City. Within 5 minutes, two fabulous guys had asked to join us. We ended up having an amazing evening together. I was happy and relieved to know that I attracted a smart, funny, intelligent, successful and attractive man. Phew!
This weekend, we had another girls night out. We ended up at a fun bar that plays good music. I had consumed a few too many glasses of bubbly, but was approached and spent the evening talking to and dancing with a nice guy, whose name I unfortunately can't remember (yes, it was that kind of evening). I'm kind of hoping that he won't call simply because I don't remember his name or how we said goodbye...
I don't know if I'm ready to date seriously yet. It's still early days. I don't need a rebound romance right now, I need to take the necessary time to heal so that I will be ready for the real thing when it comes around. I am trying to spend my time with my fabulous friends and if men continue to show interest, then I'm open. My goal for the summer is to relax in the country on weekends and pursue interests, fitness and fun nights out during the week. If I can fit dating in, then so be it, but it is not a priority for me right now. Still, at the very least, I know I've still got it!

Today's Funny

After all, it is a numbers game:

Geoff had six children and was very proud of his achievement. He was so proud of himself that for years he called his wife, Anita, 'Mother of Six,' in spite of her regular objections.

One evening, in their retirement years, they go to a party. It is late and Geoff is ready to go home and wants to find out if Anita is ready to leave as well.

Geoff bellows at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home, Mother of Six?"

Anita, greatly irritated by Geoff's lack of discretion over so many years, yells back at him, "Anytime you're ready, 'Father of Four'."

heh.

Fear Factor

Due to popular request from you, my faithful followers, I am going to address what I feel are the reasons why my former fiance, G No, left. I, along with many others (including professionals), have narrowed it down to 3 main factors:
Fear. Change. Guilt.
The fear? Perhaps of an unfamiliarity with living a new, happy, healthy, balanced way of life with the best possible partner.
The change? Going from single to engaged to homeowner to cohabitant... I know all about it, as I was going through it, too.
The Guilt? Of being happy, I suspect.

A few weeks ago, I came across an amazing article from The Daily Love by Mastin Kip (www.thedailylove.com). This article seemed to be written to help me understand what happened in this atrocious mess. Please see below for some revelatory reading:

Many times we wish and wish for the right person to come into our lives. We don’t seem to understand why it’s not working out with others. We end up in toxic, unloving relationships, and deep down know something better is out there.
The challenge is, when something better does come along, to not run away.
After years of disappointment, heart break and unhappy endings, it can be very easy to close down on real love. No matter what, don’t let that happen!
Remember, strength in the muscles of your body is created by your muscles being ripped apart, and then rebuilt. Your heart and your emotional intelligence and fitness operate the same way. It is easy to close down after you’ve been hurt. It’s easy to throw a wrench into real love when it comes. I understand it’s scary, but WHO CARES?
Move forward in spite of your fear. Move forward INTO the scariness of it all. Be courageous. Don’t let fear win. OPEN UP anyway. The risk of not opening, in the end, is far worse than the risk of opening.
Don’t let love pass you by. Don’t let fear win.
NO! Instead, let love win. Open up, even when, you are afraid. Open up, even when you are scared of getting hurt. Open up, even when you don’t know what’s going to happen.
Listen to me: LOVE WILL PASS YOU BY if you always choose the safe path.
I am not suggesting that you open up to the first person who comes along. No. I am not suggesting that at all. I am suggesting that when you have a connection with someone, when you feel it, when you are so scared of how much you feel it, go in the opposite direction of your fear. Do not be afraid of the love you feel.
KNOW THIS: The right person will meet you. The right person will show up. But they can’t if you don’t open.
Learn to value openness and rebuilding your heart more than safety. Don’t let the wounds of the past create a wounded future. No. It can be different. Love can be yours. But first you must be open to it. Learn how to be more loving from your past pain, not how to be more closed.
Don’t give up on love, no, give IN TO love!

The Hangover

I haven't had one this bad since the morning after my brother's wedding... This one, like the last, was well-earned.

Last night, I had my best friends over for a housewarming party. It has been almost 3 months since I moved into my new place. Although it did not work out as expected, it is still a fabulous condo and I feel very lucky to live here. This is the place where my friends and family rallied around me when my fiance left. This is the place that has kept me safe through the tears and the sadness. This is the place where I am starting to have more laughs than tears now. This is the place that I enjoy waking up in every morning and coming home to every night. This is the place that housed my fabulous friends last night and has seen much more love in the past few weeks than I ever imagined.

Given the amount of drinking that has been going on in here lately (and, most certainly, last night...), I can still tell people that I'm living in sin in a church (I do love that!). My 2 person condo was a 22 person condo last night and it was fabulous. It is fabulous. I vow not to wake up again in the state that I did this morning (so unholy), however I also vow to continue to wake up happy and hopeful in my cherished church. How divine!

Is 35 Too Old To Wear A Miniskirt?

Ummmmmm.... No!

In a survey of the age-apropriateness of fashion performed by Diet Chef, 2000 British women (who were these prudes?!) agreed that 35 is too old to wear a miniskirt. Please excuse me while I barf...

I don't understand the results of this study. More importantly, I don't agree with the results of this study. Perhaps the 2000 women are all well over the age of 35. Perhaps the 2000 women suffer from vericose veins?? Perhaps the 2000 women suffer from orange-peely-looking thighs that are pocked with cellulite??? Whoever these rude respondents are, they clearly aren't 35 and wanting to wear miniskirts. Who is 35 and wanting to wear miniskirts? Me.

Why do I still wear minis at this age and stage? First off, I have great legs. I was taught, as a girl, to showcase my best assets. Why not? Secondly, I am newly single. It's almost summer. Short skirts are going to be my new best friends for the next little while. Even in the winter, however, I am still a big fan of the short skirt. When I was last single, I used to make jokes with my seamstress, asking her to take my skirts up to "boyfriend length." Even in relationships, I am still a fan of "boyfriend length" skirts. Guess what? So are my boyfriends.

The real question that they should have asked the 2000 haters is this: Is 41 too old to wear a miniskirt? Based on the picture of J. Lo above, I think the answer would be No. Has anyone seen a picture of Jennifer Aniston in a short skirt lately? If so, then we all know that 42 isn't too old to wear a miniskirt, either. Seriously, it depends on the woman and on the legs. In some sad cases, 18 can be too old to wear a miniskirt based on the situation going on... In my opinion, there is only one sexy singleton who should be able to put an age on miniskirt apropriateness: Tina Turner!

The Couple That Drinks Together Stays Together?

Excellent!

I recently came across a timely article, published by Cosmopolitan magazine (thank you, lovelies), that extolls the virtues of couples who drink together. According to a study conducted at the University of Buffalo (and no, there was no mention of the variable of daily consumption of chicken wings and that effect on relationships...) , having a drink a day with your boyfriend will help to keep relationship problems at bay.

The raging alcoholic researchers found that: 'couples who have a cocktail or two (or even three) together reported feeling "increased intimacy and decreased relationship problems the next day" as compared to boyfriends and girlfriends who drink apart or don't drink at all.' Fabulous!

This is very exciting news for me. I have always been a firm believer in drinking with my partners (friends and lovers). Although that has obviously not been the key to success in my previous relationships, I vow from today onwards to maintain this practice in all future relationships until I get it right.

Cheers!

Quote Of The Day

"The hottest love has the coldest end."



~ Socrates


* True, Socrates seems an unlikely source for this unbelievably meaningful quote (meaningful to me at this point). Turns out that he was married with children. Another quote of his on marriage:

"By all means marry. If you get a good wife you will become happy, and if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher."

Isn't it fabulous when your little brother gets married...

... before you do? Four months before you were supposed to get married?? And one month after your fiance has taken off??? Yep, that's right! A few weeks ago, I rsvp'd to my brother's wedding. The wedding that I had anticipated attending with G No was last night. Although I had found a suitable replacement date, it was too late to add a seat at the table, so I managed through it alone. I did, however, end up having 2 dates with me - my super supportive aunt and uncle. At the party, I soon found myself with a suitor, danced the night away and turned down a marriage proposal. All in a night's work! I wore a beautiful dress and got lots of attention. People couldn't stop commenting on it and saying what a mistake G No made. And how crazy he must be. Clearly.
My worry leading up to the big day was how I would handle the ceremony (I knew that the reception would be okay - I love a good party!). Just like watching the royal wedding last week, as soon as the bride started walking down the aisle, I burst into tears. It was hard. However, it was temporary and I was able to get through the rest of the ceremony without having a nervous breakdown. When in doubt, just show up looking fabulous. It distracts people and is a great ego boost!
First a royal wedding, then a royally difficult wedding. Is this making me stronger? Absolutely. At the very least, I can take comfort in the fact that I've got two down and none to go!

Royal Salt In The Wound

No, I did not get up intentionally to watch it. Hell, no! I knew I was going to have to be careful with this one. Unfortunately, I was woken at 3.30am due to the 3 glasses of wine consumed the night before during a celebration with coworkers. Well-earned wine. So, there I was, hoping to get back to sleep so that I wouldn't have to subject myself to the torture, but it was not meant to happen. At 5am, I began watching the royal affair.

I was doing well at first. I got goosebumps when Prince Charming arrived at the church. It was exciting. Historic. Compelling. It was thrilling when Kate got into the car and then arrived at the church. As she linked arms with her father and started to walk down the aisle, that's when the floods of tears began. For months after the royal engagement, I joked with my friends that Wills and Kate were stealing my thunder. Now, my former partner, who we will now refer to as G No, has stolen my wedding.

I had dreamed of the wedding we would have for the 8 months that we were engaged. I planned carefully so that it would be a celebration to be enjoyed by all. Sophisticated. Beautiful. Original. I was due to walk down the aisle of a meaningful church with my father in September. Not anymore. Let's face it: Ward isn't getting any younger. Will I have that opportunity again? I thought of seeing G No at the front of the church, ready to begin the 'happily ever after' part. Nope. We would celebrate our love with friends and family afterwards. Uhhhhhh, no.

The life that I saw for myself over the past year or so is no longer. My partner took off. He is the one who said in a letter he gave me after the proposal that "you deserve your fairytale." Guess what? This isn't it!? It's spring and weddings are in the air. My wedding is in the ground and I've been left with a royal mess!

Quote Of The Day

"Every time I talk about it, I want to cry... I'm just trying to get through it as gracefully as possible, without any drama."

~ Eva Longoria, on her divorce from Tony Parker

Jilted

Dictionary.com defines the term 'jilted' as follows : "to reject or cast aside (a lover or sweetheart), especially abruptly or unfeelingly." Yep, that sounds like the right definition to me.
What a week it has been. G Spot, my former lover, gave up on our relationship earlier this week. There were too many factors that contriubuted to the end of the relationship to mention here. Unfortunately, most of them were blown out of proportion by fear and anxiety. It is especially unpleasant, given that there was no lack of love, caring and passion in the relationship. It is hard to make sense of it ending when all of those aspects were present. However, this is the card that I have been dealt, and I must carry on.
I never expected that G Spot would hurt me like this. He seemed so caring. I had felt that this was the true love experience that I had been looking for all my life. It wasn't.
I was so upset and felt so alone that first day. My friends and family have rallied around me and shown me that I am not alone. Now I know I do not need to worry about losing love, as I have found more in the past few days than I ever dreamed possible. I want to thank everyone who has come over to sit with me, bring me wine at night, bring me coffee in the morning, bring my favourite flowers and bring me back up. I am so grateful to you all. Now, my tears are those of gratitude.
Did I ever expect this to happen? No. Do I feel that I will get through this and go on to one day find my true love? I do.

Living In Sin

That's right. G Spot and I, two sinners, are living together before marriage. In a church. God would be so unimpressed. Heh!
The big move happened last week. We have now been living harmoniously in our church conversion condo and it's been a lot different than I ever expected. I have droned on about my fear of living with a man for many, many years. The longer I put it off, the scarier it got. Finally, it became a big, scary monster hiding under the bed. I worried about everything: Would our sex life be ruined? Would we start annoying each other? Would his lack of ability to change the loo roll drive me insane? Would we start fighting over when a lightbulb would be changed? Would we start to hate each other?
I guess I figured that would happen sooner rather than later. However, we took the time to trouble-shoot the scenario. We entered into this arrangement with both our needs as top priorities. We are both private people and we appreciate space. We both have activities that we enjoy doing apart from the relationship that we do not want to give up. We both enjoy our sex life and do not want to f*ck that up. So, what did we do? We decided before moving in to repect each other's space. We respect each other's schedules. His quirks and habits are not annoying me yet, and he claims the same of mine. We had a few bulbs that needed to be changed, and it got done. And, most importantly of all, we are still having sex. Thank God!

If It's Not One Thing, It's My Mother: Yeesh

Free as a snowbird, I have travelled all the way to Sunny Southern State to enjoy a relaxing vacation. With my parents.. On a golf course... Okay, so it's not exactly South Beach, but Shady Pines has it's pluses.
I had only been here a day when I noticed that my parents, Ward and June Cleaver-Blogshaw, had given each other Valentines Day cards. So sweet. Or so I thought. I innocently took the time to read the cards, which were displayed on the kitchen counter (no, I wasn't rummaging through their dresser drawers... that was the next day).
I looked at the pink and red card first. It was from Ward to June. The sentiment read: "They say Valentines Day is all about the love. Which is good, because somebody ate all the candy. Oh well, have a great day." Awwwwww, cute.
The pink card with sparkly purple designs was from June to Ward. The sentiment read: "Oh, you've set my heart to racing. Feel it? That's not my heart." The inside caption said: "Happy Valentines from someone you can always misbehave with."
The picture was of an old man with a pop-up arm that jerked himself off whenever you open and close the card. Ewwwwww. I didn't realize it was going to be this hot at Shady Pines! Yech.

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not...

... He loves me, he loves me not. He loves me.

I am a romantic. The dictionary describes me as: being preoccupied with love or by the idealizing of love or one's beloved. Yep, that's me. The dictionary also describes me as: fanciful, impractical and unrealistic. Fair enough.

When I was a girl, which seems not so long ago, I never dreamed of my wedding. I never dreamed of the dress, the venue, the flowers or the ring. I used to dream of the relationship. I longed to meet and marry the man of my dreams. To find and hold onto true love. Seemed simple at the tme. Turned out to be the longest, hardest search of my life.

Finally, 2 years ago, I found my true love. A man different from any I had known before him and it changed everything. The love that grew, and continues to grow, makes me feel beautiful, desirable, important and supported all the time. Truly loved. Has it been as easy as I had thought a relationship between two lovers would be? No. Has it been a story book romance or a love story that looks like it does in the movies? No. Has it been the most rewarding experience of my life and worth the work? Absolutely.

This post is dedicated to my lover, G Spot. I nicknamed him G Spot for the purpose of this blog because, unlike other women perhaps, my G Spot is in my heart. And that's right where he got me. From the start. Being faced with the unlikely prospect of our relationship not working out (see previous post about related problems called 'Relationsh*ts'), was unfathomable. I would not operate at the same level if he were not around. Perhaps he wouldn't, either.

To all the fanciful, impractical and unrealistic sexy singletons out there, keep at it. As Bridget Jones, Carrie Bradshaw, Cleopatra, Scarlett O'Hara, Jerry Maguire, Adam & Eve and Elizabeth Taylor (?!) would say, Happy Valentines Day!

Sure Shot

Usually, I would start off saying 'this sort of thing can only happen in America.' This time, I'm saying 'this sort of thing happened in Canada.' What's the deal? Here goes...
According to the Saskatoon StarPhoenix, a man, Glenn Kroeger, was 'deeply depressed and drinking heavily when he fired a rifle at his wife Sylvia inside their rural Saskatchewan home on the morning of January 3rd, 2011. The .22-calibre bullet struck their bedroom door so close to her head that she felt fragments strike her face.'
The first problem? Well, they live in Saskatchewan. Rural Saskatchewan.
The second problem? A husband trying to shoot his wife. In the face.
The real problem? Sylvia, the poor fool who obviously suffers from low self esteem, told the court that the "frightening event did not spell the end of their 21-year marriage." Scary! She went on to say "this incident is completely out of character for Glenn," telling the court she believes her husband was suicidal at the time. Too bad he didn't turn the gun on himself. Jeez.
Apparently, "He is not proud of what happened, obviously." Awwww, bless...
Ladies, this is f*cked. This kind of behaviour is never to be tolerated, no matter how mentally deficient your partner is. I mean, really... A couple who own a glue gun? Handy. A couple who own a caulking gun? Really handy. A couple who own a stun gun? Good for an emergency or intrusion. A couple who own a hand gun? A couple of lunatics!

I'm Gonna Getcha Good!

Oh yes she did!
TMZ has just reported (so we know it's true) that Shania Twain has gotten married. Again.
Twain was first married to philandering music producer Mutt Lange, who divorced Shania after cheating on her with one of her friends. That don't impress me much...
So who did Shania The Great (I love her) go on to marry this time? She just did the 'do' with Swiss business exec (mmm...) Frederic Thiebaud. Who is this, you ask? Why, he's the husband of the woman who cheated with her husband. Ha! This will go down in history as one of the greatest revenge romances of the century, if not ever!

Happy New Year!

2011 just might kill me. Why? It's going to be a year of firsts for me. I'm a bit scared... Oh, screw it - I'm gripped by fear. Of what, you ask? See below for the monumental tasks that lie ahead for me:

* I'm moving in with a guy

* I'm gettting married

* I'm going to have a heart attack

HO. LY. F*CK!