Blunders, slip-ups and other unforgiveable gaffes

My friends at eHarmony are on a roll and the latest unsolicited piece of advice to land in my inbox refers to the 4 most common dating mistakes that women make. I wondered why this only appealed to women – however when I read the content, it became apparent:

Talking about long-term commitment too soon. Yes, this is directed at women and yes, your man will run for the hills.

Unloading past relationship baggage. Whenever I ask men why their relationships fail, I always get the same answer – that she was a “psycho.” Since all men believe that their relationships end due to horrifying and irreconcilable psychotic behaviour by women, only women would be able to talk about the actual baggage that ruined their previous relationships.

Conducting a job interview. Actually, I don’t agree that this is a mistake. I feel that dates are like interviews and I would like to propose that daters show up with resumes and (professional) head shots. Why? There is a lot of information to remember in a short amount of time and, depending on the number of dates, it’s hard to keep the info straight. Dates are just like interviews but they are typically facilitated by a steady flow of alcohol and are therefore slightly more enjoyable.

Being ungrateful and unappreciative. After years of dating weirdos and experiencing many types of strange situations and psychological torture that I would have preferred not to, I must admit that I appreciate every aspect of non-weirdo behaviour that I experience now and I am very grateful for it.

Relationship Killers a la eHarmony

Just when I think I’ve had my last communication from eHarmony (why, WHY did I ever sign up for that bloody free weekend???), I receive another email that makes me sad for the people who pay good money only to get relationship advice like this. The experts at eHarmony feel that, in order to have a successful relationship, daters should NEVER say the following:

* “Then I guess we shouldn’t be dating!” Ummmm, yeah, then I guess not………

* “Why can’t you be more/less like my ex?” Agreed. If anyone put that kind of comparison on me I’d be running for the hills.

* “I’m just too tired from working all day to help you with that.” I have a demanding job and understand what it’s like to work like a maniac, however I agree with this – people who don’t pull their weight in relationships should be taken out back and shot.

* “Let’s go grave digging!” When the hell has that EVER happened??? Who wrote this sh*t???!!! For those of you who HAVE experienced this, then yes, it IS a relationship killer.

* “Do as I say, not as I do.” Agreed. As far as being bossy and demanding goes, I’d say I’m up there with the bossiest; however I am aware that if I want to boss people around to do stuff, I need to be doing things, too. The only stipulation to this is taking out the trash – that IS undeniably a man’s job and no woman should have to deal with such unpleasantry when there is a capable man around. Besides, we deal with enough of their rubbish....

* “You’re a lousy lover.” I can see how this would not inspire confidence……

* “You knew I was this way when you met me.” Through all the years of dating that I have experienced, I have learned the hard way that it is impossible to change people to be exactly how you want them to be if they are not already that way. Yes, people change as they get older, but not that much. My best friend’s mother once explained that if one is considering getting married and wants to imagine how it things will be further down the road, one should imagine their partner’s worst traits/habits and multiply them by 100. That’s apparently how it will be, so we better pick people who we can stand from the start!

* “No comment.” I don’t think I have EVER been able to withhold comment. Ever. Never.