Sunday, September 26, 2010

The Body Language of Liars

We've all heard it. We've all seen it. Now, we're going to decode it. According to the relationship researchers at Cosmopolitan Magazine, there are 4 main moves that can help us catch a liar in his tracks. Men, start sweating. Ladies, here the most common ways to help spot a lurking liar:
* He wraps his ankle around the leg of a chair ~ When a guy is masking the truth, his body will physically seize up. Wrapping his ankle around a chair leg is a way of restraining himself - like he's trying to refrain from telling you the truth. The upside of this chair stance? The possibility of him not being able to extricate himself from said position or, even better, the chance of the liar tripping over said leg...
* He suddenly puts his hands in his pockets ~ When a man is walking around with his hands stuffed down there, I usually come up with a different conclusion. However, in the case of liars (and not wankers), the hiding of the hands represents his discomfort and lack of openness.
* He shrugs one or both shoulders ~ What if he has a bad shoulder? A tick?? What if he's trying to bust a move??? If he practices this while issuing a definitive statement (such as "I did not sleep with her"), it's his way of cancelling out the untruth, as if he were crossing his fingers behind his back. Ugh.
* He uses his index finger to rub just underneath his nose ~ Apparently, this is a sign of remorse right after living the lie. My question is, how are we supposed to distinguish if our man is a liar, a sinus sufferer, an itch-reliever or a hard core coke user???!!!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

In Sickness and in Health: Take 2

Take 2 to the emergency room, that is. At midnight. On date night. During a lovely dinner party hosted by a fabulous foodie and her merry mates. Let's just say that G Spot and I will not be entering our names into the draw for the Healthy Couples contest this year.

While at the hospital for the 2nd time in as many months (well, actually, it was my 3rd time in 2 months as I'd had my own problem, but I don't mean to brag...), I had time to think. A lot. The doctors were doctoring, the sick were sickening and I was overanalyzing. Whatever.

During the whole ordeal, and in between bouts of vomiting and wretching, G Spot felt badly that I wasn't enjoying my evening and urged me to go home and get some rest. Did he really think I would? I couldn't even imagine leaving him there alone. Gagging. Regurgitating. Unable to swallow water... What part of a happy couple (or an unhappy couple, for that matter) would willingly walk away? It's hard to walk out of a room when your heart is still in it.

Thankfully, all the heaving, hurling and spewing was worth it. Any further health disorder was averted and we were relased back into the night. Still, I wondered, are women more devoted in these circumstances than men? Would men go home to get some rest if their partner told them to? And would they actually be able to have a good sleep?? Would they even realize that if they leave their partner in the ER, there will be no nookie the next day???!!!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

If It's Not One Thing, It's My Mother: OMG

For simplicity's sake, I'll blame this on my mother.
She is, after all, the one who gave it to me. She had been waiting for the right moment to present it to me for years. What is it, you ask? It is a wedding binder. It is by Martha Stewart, no less. It is colour co-ordinated, has sealable pockets for storing extra information and a practical elastic closure to allow for growth. Worst of all? I'm actually using it.
I am finding it quite helpful.
I like the little tips and tricks.
I might even use one of her ideas for fabulous favours.
I'd like to invite her to be my guest of honour.
Hell, I'd like her to be my maid of honour!
How precious have I become?!

Sunday, September 12, 2010

What Guys Really Think: Hot Hairstyles

Who would know better about the hairstyles that men are hot for than the well-researched journalists at Cosmopolitan Magazine? Cosmo has combed the streets (!) to poll eligible bachelors about which hairdo's do it for them. Here are the top cuts:

* The Bad Girl Bump: Now, this is not to be confused with the bizarre bump that sits (too) proudly atop Snooki's head. Apparently, a small pouf adds a touch of glamour. Also, wearing your hair up shows off the neck and shoulders, which is obviously the real reason why men like it.
* The Sexy Shag: Don't think Austin Powers. Do think Meg Ryan. When you think Meg Ryan, however, please think back to her sexy, Sally Hersberger cut, not her current botox/trout-pout look. Thanks.
* Pretty Pixie: I don't believe this. I know that men prefer long hair - I read it somewhere. However, if you must sport short, men seem to like a short cut with bangs a la Ginnifer Goodwin. I think they probably chose her due to her current role on a polygamist drama, but whatever...
* Relaxed Updo: Why? Because it's elegant, simple and touchable. Why, really? Because it looks like you got dressed up nice and then spontaneously had a wild, sweaty, sexy romp, that's why.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

5 Items Not To Share With Your Man

Share and share alike? Nope. I was raised to play nice and share my toys with others, which I believe has served me well. Till now. I share a lot with my man. A lot. According to an online article by sharing scroodge Leigh Doyle, below are 5 icky items that we are not to be dishing out and then taking back:

* Towels: Why? Thankfully, I have enough spare towels that G Spot has his own shower rag. Apparently, towels are breeding grounds for bacteria (ewwww) and if, let's say, your amour has athletes foot, you could end up spreading the infection all over your body if you use the same towel. Total mood killer.
* Hairbrushes: Again, we don't fall into this trap. If G Spot put a brush near his hair, his afro wouldn't fit in my cute condo. This was unexpected, but besides avoiding lice (who here is dating a kindergartner???), not sharing a brush helps to avoid the spread of... ringworm. Who were the respondents in this survey???!!!
* Toothbrushes: Guilty. I have a long list of lovers with whom I've shared toothbrushes. For f*ck's sake, when you're exchanging all kinds of fluids orally with a lover, what's a toothbrush going to bring to the table that would be more offensive? Well, you can pass on bacteria, cold sores (so unsexy) and viruses.
* Nail Clippers: Never experienced this one. This really grosses me out. Everyone should have to have mani's and pedi's. Why is this gross? Because you could inherit fungus, bacteria, viruses or staph. I'm barfing.
* Razors: I wax.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Pick Your Battles

No one avoids confrontation like I do. I am a passionate person and people tend to p*ss me off now and again (more now than again, but whatever…), but I only put the gloves on when absolutely necessary. My mother, the grappling guru June Cleaver Blogshaw, has always advised me to pick my battles. I believe this to be good advice. However, when a variety of things are irritating you, how do you know which battles to fight and which to forget about?

When it comes to relationships, the picking of the battles is of utmost importance. I know that I can’t fight the little battles too often, such as the fridge full of empty containers, the roll of toilet paper that can’t change itself and the beautiful tufted silk coverlet that was never meant to live on the floor… When it comes to the larger issues, and many times there are more than one, how do you know which is worth a fight?

On a recent evening out, G Spot and I got right into it. Was the timing right? No. Was the place right? No. Did the issue need to be elevated? Apparently. When something needs to come out, the bandage needs to be ripped off, right? What’s the point in waiting till the time and the place are right, as catching the issue in the moment seems to be the best policy. At least that’s what my therapist says.

It’s unpleasant to have to fight most battles. Particularly when you’re all dressed up and taking your lover to a fancy dinner at one of Cosmopolitan City’s nicest restaurants, but I digress… He said what he needed to say. So did I. Will there ever be a time when we won’t have to pick out battles? I bet there won’t be. Will there ever be a perfect place in which to get into it? Probably not. Truthfully, there’s never a good time for a spanish inquisition – whether it’s before dinner, after dessert or during aperitifs. The lesson learned? Order enough champagne/wine/brandy to get you through it, learn to use your inside voice and, above all, leave a tremendous tip!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

How to get a stranger to flirt with you...

... hopefully.

Our favourite experts at have provided us with even more dating tips. Funny, since I've been happy in a relationship, I've had more men (and seemingly good ones) flirt with me than ever before... Idiots. Where were these decent guys when I was looking for one? Men.

Anyhoo, here are the top 8 ways to get a sexy stranger to wanna make it with you:

1. Dressing down: Whoa. I'm not a fan of this one. I love any occasion to overdress. However, I will concede that when I'm schlepping around makeup-less in my stretchy, comfy yoga-wear, I do seem to get approached more. They usually turn out to be garbage handlers, sweaty/toothless wife-beater-wearers or mental institution escapees, but still...
2. Being out in public solo: Surely, it's less intimidating for a dude to approach you when you're not surrounded by your circle of giggling girlfriends.
3. Seeming approachable without seeming desperate for human contact: No one wants a Debbie Downer and no one wants a Desperate Debbie.
4. Being in a place that's just right: Location, location, location. Not too crowded. Not too empty. Not too intimidating. Not too much to ask, right?!
5. Being planted in one place: Think that moving around will be a good opportunity to create mystery, add excitement and showcase your a**? Sounds like a good idea at the time, but a moving target is hard to nail...
6. Being really into whatever you're doing: Just like how guys look sexy when they are really involved in a workout, a book or a porno, you look sexy when you're focused, too.
7. Creating a little something called "mimetic desire": When a dude sees another dude flirting with you, Dude #2 thinks 'wow - that sexy singleton is desirable...' and the flirting becomes contagious. Because, as we all know, people often want what other people have. Flirting begets flirting. Yes!
8. Having no expectations: It sounds silly. It sounds pedantic. It sounds like you've heard it 1,000 times. But you have heard it 1,000 times because it's true!