The Proposal

Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of G No's proposal and my acceptance. What a difference a year has made. The anniversary of this ominous occasion was difficult for me. I'm wondering how it was for him.
I have decided to share with you, my reticent readers, the letter he gave me when he proposed. Why? I'm wondering if you can help me make sense of it all. The letter below sounds like it was written by a man who was deeply in love. Nine months later, he ran out the door. Three months later, I am still confused by what has happened. Re-reading the letter hasn't made this easier to reconcile.
Here goes:

Bright, beautiful Carrie,
I love you so much.
When I see you sleepy,
I just want to hold you or keep vigil at your side,
keep you safe.
When I see you happy,
talking away about family, friends or work,
I brighten. Everything is right.
When we're apart, I trace in my imagination the distant flush
along your cheek and smile:
I am a lucky man.
I offer you this sparkling ring and this love message on silver paper
because you deserve your fairy tale
and I will love you forever after
with deepest earnestness.
There is no difficulty in such a promise.
It is like wind through the grass:
natural,
effortless. What should be.
Yours,
G No

PS - Now is the flower-laden summertime. No ice age lasts forever. This is the YOC (year of Carrie)!

Wow. Well, we all know it didn't last forever. It was not effortless. This is not how the fairy tale was supposed to end. My questions are: Does he feel badly? Does he even remember?? Does he feel anything???
The year of Carrie? Not so far!
Deepest earnestness? Uh, no. Whoever this Earnest is, maybe I should try to meet him?!

If You Had My Love...

Mmm... Not so much... Stop the presses! J Lo and Marc Anthony announced their split today. What happened? They sounded like a very happy couple. I must say (because, I'm like that...) that they certainly weren't matched in attractiveness, which is an indicator of successful couples. She is a sexy stunner and his nickname is Skeletor. J Lo is a ravishing beauty who is always smiling and glowing. Marc Anthony? Not so much. In fact, I've seen people on life support who have more of a glow than he does... I can't say that I understand what the attraction was for her. Does she have a thing for hollow cheeks? Sallow Skin?? The Grim Reaper???

This split marks the end of J Lo's third marriage. You have to admire her pluck. I do! How many times can one marry before one realizes that marriage might not be for them? How many acrimonious divorces can one handle? Certainly, multiple marriages are a luxury for celebrities - the rest of us couldn't afford it! So, here she is today - a thrice divorced, notorious single mom with an incredibly busy career. Her legs are the feature of the latest Venus ad campaign. Her cleavage-baring, super-slit Versace dress has gone down in the history of sexiness.. Her a** is practically more famous than she is... Yeah, I'd marry her, too!

Royal Salt In The Wound

No, I did not get up intentionally to watch it. Hell, no! I knew I was going to have to be careful with this one. Unfortunately, I was woken at 3.30am due to the 3 glasses of wine consumed the night before during a celebration with coworkers. Well-earned wine. So, there I was, hoping to get back to sleep so that I wouldn't have to subject myself to the torture, but it was not meant to happen. At 5am, I began watching the royal affair.

I was doing well at first. I got goosebumps when Prince Charming arrived at the church. It was exciting. Historic. Compelling. It was thrilling when Kate got into the car and then arrived at the church. As she linked arms with her father and started to walk down the aisle, that's when the floods of tears began. For months after the royal engagement, I joked with my friends that Wills and Kate were stealing my thunder. Now, my former partner, who we will now refer to as G No, has stolen my wedding.

I had dreamed of the wedding we would have for the 8 months that we were engaged. I planned carefully so that it would be a celebration to be enjoyed by all. Sophisticated. Beautiful. Original. I was due to walk down the aisle of a meaningful church with my father in September. Not anymore. Let's face it: Ward isn't getting any younger. Will I have that opportunity again? I thought of seeing G No at the front of the church, ready to begin the 'happily ever after' part. Nope. We would celebrate our love with friends and family afterwards. Uhhhhhh, no.

The life that I saw for myself over the past year or so is no longer. My partner took off. He is the one who said in a letter he gave me after the proposal that "you deserve your fairytale." Guess what? This isn't it!? It's spring and weddings are in the air. My wedding is in the ground and I've been left with a royal mess!

Jilted

Dictionary.com defines the term 'jilted' as follows : "to reject or cast aside (a lover or sweetheart), especially abruptly or unfeelingly." Yep, that sounds like the right definition to me.
What a week it has been. G Spot, my former lover, gave up on our relationship earlier this week. There were too many factors that contriubuted to the end of the relationship to mention here. Unfortunately, most of them were blown out of proportion by fear and anxiety. It is especially unpleasant, given that there was no lack of love, caring and passion in the relationship. It is hard to make sense of it ending when all of those aspects were present. However, this is the card that I have been dealt, and I must carry on.
I never expected that G Spot would hurt me like this. He seemed so caring. I had felt that this was the true love experience that I had been looking for all my life. It wasn't.
I was so upset and felt so alone that first day. My friends and family have rallied around me and shown me that I am not alone. Now I know I do not need to worry about losing love, as I have found more in the past few days than I ever dreamed possible. I want to thank everyone who has come over to sit with me, bring me wine at night, bring me coffee in the morning, bring my favourite flowers and bring me back up. I am so grateful to you all. Now, my tears are those of gratitude.
Did I ever expect this to happen? No. Do I feel that I will get through this and go on to one day find my true love? I do.

Sure Shot

Usually, I would start off saying 'this sort of thing can only happen in America.' This time, I'm saying 'this sort of thing happened in Canada.' What's the deal? Here goes...
According to the Saskatoon StarPhoenix, a man, Glenn Kroeger, was 'deeply depressed and drinking heavily when he fired a rifle at his wife Sylvia inside their rural Saskatchewan home on the morning of January 3rd, 2011. The .22-calibre bullet struck their bedroom door so close to her head that she felt fragments strike her face.'
The first problem? Well, they live in Saskatchewan. Rural Saskatchewan.
The second problem? A husband trying to shoot his wife. In the face.
The real problem? Sylvia, the poor fool who obviously suffers from low self esteem, told the court that the "frightening event did not spell the end of their 21-year marriage." Scary! She went on to say "this incident is completely out of character for Glenn," telling the court she believes her husband was suicidal at the time. Too bad he didn't turn the gun on himself. Jeez.
Apparently, "He is not proud of what happened, obviously." Awwww, bless...
Ladies, this is f*cked. This kind of behaviour is never to be tolerated, no matter how mentally deficient your partner is. I mean, really... A couple who own a glue gun? Handy. A couple who own a caulking gun? Really handy. A couple who own a stun gun? Good for an emergency or intrusion. A couple who own a hand gun? A couple of lunatics!

I'm Gonna Getcha Good!

Oh yes she did!
TMZ has just reported (so we know it's true) that Shania Twain has gotten married. Again.
Twain was first married to philandering music producer Mutt Lange, who divorced Shania after cheating on her with one of her friends. That don't impress me much...
So who did Shania The Great (I love her) go on to marry this time? She just did the 'do' with Swiss business exec (mmm...) Frederic Thiebaud. Who is this, you ask? Why, he's the husband of the woman who cheated with her husband. Ha! This will go down in history as one of the greatest revenge romances of the century, if not ever!

Why They Called It Quits

Welcome to my new topic. In this day and age, calling it quits is de rigeur. Why not take the time to investigate what caused the rigeur mortis (heh!) in the rapid romance between Scarlett Johansson and super sexy Ryan Reynolds?

First of all, I'd like to say 'boo hoo.'
Secondly, I'd like to say 'I'm shocked, as I'm sure you are, too.'
Thirdly, I'd like to say 'who cares?' Answer: I'll tell you who cares. The people who care are the millions of sexy singletons who are thanking the lord that the foxy Ryan Reynolds is back on the market!

Not-So-Desperate Housewife

Oops, no, it’s not OK! Come on, now - this never looked like it was built to last. Of course, it was extremely entertaining. A Hollywood actress. An NBA star. Did I mention that 80-90% of all pro athletes stray? What was she thinking? She had to beg him to marry her. He's French. He’s a basketball great.. He’s 28…

I have always believed in the matching theory. This theory maintains that happy and successful long-term couples tend to be matched in attractiveness. Take away Tony’s wallet and fame, and he’s no where near as attractive as the lovely Longoria. It was a match made by Beauty and the Beast. By Larry King and his wife Shawn. By Donald and Malania.. By the ancient oil geezer and Anna Nicole Smith…

Looking on the bright side of things, at least he bucked the trend by recent celebs who lately have screwed their significant others over by trading down and cheating with less attractive women (come on guys, if you’re going to do it, don’t insult us on every level…). At least Tony bagged a babe!

With this iconic ring belonging to my infamous, dead mother, I thee wed...

Ummmmmmm... yeah.
Don't get me wrong - I was extremely happy to hear about the engagement of Price William to his lovely gf, Kate Middleton. I was also kind of sad, as I'd always wondered if the Prince and I would have ended up together had we met during my 2 years abroad when I was younger, but I digress...

A fairytale engagement, a fairytale wedding and a fairytale marriage, I'm sure. However, all happiness aside, I must say I'm perplexed about his controversial choice of engagement ring. Would it have been lovely of him to present the mountainous sapphire to her at some point in the future as a sentimental symbol of his respect for his mother and his respect for her? Yes. As the symbol of their intimate relationship as they make the biggest mistake - I mean, as they make the biggest leap of faith of their lives???!!! Hmmmmmm... For the love of Divorce Court, the ring was Diana's engagement ring from Charles, and we all know how that turned out!

Everyone wants to marry their g spot...

... only I get to!!! Yep - I love my g spot so much I’m going to marry it…
… No, really, I’m going to marry my G Spot!!!

This is a very exciting development in the long and drawn out love life of Carrie Blogshaw. Finally, after years (and years, and years…) of dating emotional f*ckwits, alcoholics, workaholics and megalomaniacs, I will marry my Mr. Blog.

My relationship with G Spot has been the most rewarding and positive experience that I’ve had. And I’ve had lots. Yes, the thought of a lifelong commitment was previously scary, but now it feels right. I should be so lucky to spend my time (yes, all of it… the good, the bad and the ugly…) with someone this fabulous. What’s to fear?

Now, I have to start planning the wedding. This must be taken seriously, as people don’t get to marry their g spots every day and I’m sure everyone will want the very best. In the true theme of marrying a g spot, I’ll try to choose a venue that’s truly storied and rough around the edges. It will have to be hard to find, but when we get there, it’ll be soooo worth it!

The Men You Should Never Marry

Perhaps, someday soon, someone will write an article about the type of man one should marry. In the meantime, here are weirdos to watch out for. These tips have been brought to us by National Moderate News Magazine. The main correspondent, quite shockingly, is Father Pat Connor, an 81 year old priest from New Jersey. I know, I know... it seems so wrong. Like, what the hell would he know? Well, he's been listening to the real housewives of New Jersey complain in the confessional for decades and has passed on these transcendental tips:

* Money really is important in a relationship. Father Pat's words: "Yes. Yes. Yes, to that one." Ew. That was waaaaay too many yes's coming from a priest. Ew.
* Never marry a man who cannot hold down a job. Ew. Ew ew ew. Ew.
* Never marry a man who has no friends. Fair enough. Linking yourself to Johnny No Mates means he'll never take off for a boys weekend and leave you the eff alone.
* Never marry a man who is more affectionate in public than in private. Why?!
* Never marry a man whose first wife had to sue for child support. The first wife. Child support. Welcome to dating in your 30's. Isn't it glam?
* If you feel no physical attraction to him, don't marry him. Unless he's Trump. Or Hef. Or King. Or an oil baron. Or a CEO of a large multinational. Or...
* Never marry a man who notices all your faults but never his own. Yowza - Father really does know best!

Should Women Marry Money???

You can’t ask questions like that without immediately catching my attention.

The authors of the book ‘Smart Girls Marry Money: How Women Have Been Duped Into The romantic Dream – and How They’re Paying For It’, Elizabeth Ford and Daniela Drake, emplore women not to “…throw your hot, youthful selves away on young, financially unproven men. They might never become successes, and if they do, they’ll probably just chuck you for younger models when you’re too old to successfully compete again in the marriage marketplace.” They go on to insist that women “… marry rich guys while you’re still taut enough to snag them. They may dump you, too, but at least you’ll have nice, fat divorce settlements with which to pursue true love, or the pool guy, whoever comes first.” Wow. I considered buying this book, but the thought of putting my hard earned money into the hands of these greedy girls is too much to bear.

In defence of the tome, Amazon.com offers the following review:
“Why does society applaud a girl who falls for a guy’s “big blue eyes” yet denounces one who chooses a man with a “big green bankroll”? After all, isn’t earning power more a reflection of a man’s values and character? Smart Girls Marry Money challenges the ideals and assumptions women have blindly accepted about love and marriage—and shows how they’ve done so at their own economic peril. In this brazen manifesto, the authors use cold hard facts, real science, and true stories to present a compelling case for why mercenary marriages make the most sense for future happiness.
Smart Girls taps into a growing, collective suspicion that the post-feminist world isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Female “empowerment” has women working hard to look sexier than ever, while carrying more than their fair share financially. Yet sadly, statistics prove that: not only do women continue to earn far less than their male counterparts, they also suffer far more economically when marriages fail. Ford and Drake think it’s high time that women get their heads out of the clouds and start caring about their own security—the kind that can be measured in dollars and common sense. With an irreverent, straight-talk tone, the authors serve up a sound case and intriguing strategy for how women can truly “have it all.” Sure to spark conversation and controversy, Smart Girls Marry Money will ultimately empower women with a new way to take control of both their economic and romantic lives.”

I see, financially, where they are coming from. But what about passion? Romance?? Love??? It is obvious that, when people get divorced, it is financially difficult. That is unfortunate. However, what if people take the time to seek out an appropriate partner and agree on what they want in a long term relationship in an effort to stay together? If you can find a fabulous partner and make it, then a large cash settlement after a long, bitter (and expensive!) feud would not be necessary. So then what? Is it okay to marry for love? What if one found the perfect partner who ended up being working class? One should dump that partner? Are we supposed to chase after men with six figure salaries instead of six inch d*cks??? Kidding, but really – I’m confused by this! The idea of marrying money is so unromantic. I’m picturing a woman walking down the aisle towards a wad of cash. I’m laughing. What fairy tale ever ended with the young princess marrying the old, fat, balding bank roll???

No Kids

That is the topic and title of my favourite new book. This revolutionary tome by Corinne Maier, includes 40 good reasons not to have children. I don’t need forty good reasons (four mediocre reasons, really, would do…), but it’s great that she’s putting it all out there. What’s also great is that she is speaking from experience: she has two kids! My mother has told me many, many times that if she could do her life over again, she wouldn’t have kids (thanks, Mum! Can I borrow some money for more therapy???). Apparently, this author feels the same way.

Many women of the millennium are reconsidering the value of having children. Sure, for some, it may be a rewarding experience, but when serial singletons spend the majority of their ‘30’s focusing on themselves and trying to build healthy relationships with just one other person, the idea of having even more people around to potentially f*ck it up becomes incredibly overwhelming. I’ve spent the past few years in a very specific lifestyle. Just trying to fit someone into that lifestyle, although willingly, is difficult. The author candidly tells women to say goodbye forever to: “…free time, dinners with friends, spontaneous romantic getaways, and even the luxury of uninterrupted thought for the “vicious little dwarves” that will treat you like their servant, cost you hundreds of thousands of dollars, and end up resenting you…”

If the above hasn’t helped you reach a decision, below are 9 of the 40 reasons why Maier feels women should not have children:

* You will lose touch with your friends – You will. All of my friends who have had children over the past few years have definitely dropped off the map. A couple of them did resurface after the first year or so, but it takes a lot of catching up on dating disasters to fill in a year of stories of tragic singledom.

* Your sex life will be over – Mine feels like it might be over just having done the research for this post.

* Children cost a fortune – Take it from Ward and June, kids really do cost a fortune. I cost a fortune!!! Every time I see my poor parents, they offer money out of expectation and pity. I’m a blood-sucking albatross.

* Child-rearing is endless drudgery – Breastfeeding. Sleepless nights. Breastfeeding side effects. Laundry. Cooking. Lessons. School. Homework. Screaming. Crying. Fighting. Toys. Toy stores. Birthday parties. Barf. Need I say more???

* Vacations will be nightmares – I don’t even understand why anyone travels with children. Although my mother may not have had much of a clue about child-rearing, she did know not to take us on vacations until my bro, the youngest, was 6. Why do it to yourself? Why go to the trouble?? The expense??? They won’t even bloody well remember it!!!???

* You’ll lose your indentity and become just “mom” or “dad” – After years of practicing becoming a perplexed singleton on the dating scene, I can’t imagine identifying myself any other way. All that work for nothing??? No way!

* Your children will become mindless drones of capitalism – I did.

* The planet’s already overcrowded – Seriously. Have you ever tried to get a reservation at Babbo in NYC??? Enough said – let’s try to control the population, as I’d like to get in before I die.

* Your children will inevitably disappoint you – Take it from Ward and June – my brother and I are terrible disappointments to them. My god – we couldn’t be more disappointing if we tried. We are both unmarried, much to June’s dismay. We both earn modest salaries and are therefore still on the Blogshaw payroll, much to Ward’s dismay. To all children, unless you become doctors, astronauts or nobel prize winners, all of your perceived achievements will be disappointing. I should have spent less time kissing boys in my youth (I didn’t realize at that time how long I’d be doing that into adulthood) and more time trying to cure cancer…….