Tip of the Day (for dudes...)

According to Dr. Oz (for those of you who have been living under a rock, Dr. Oz is the new Dr. Phil), a woman's biggest sex organ is her brain. The mood has to be right, the food has to be right, the dude has to be right, etc....
Men: do your best to stimulate our heads and we'll do our best to stimulate yours!

How to tell if a guy LIKE likes you or just likes you...

Yes, we all date a guy at some point who we can tell likes us… But does he like like us??? In my youth, one like meant a platonic friendship and two likes meant romance. It’s so high school, but the methods of treatment between then and now haven’t changed if a guy really likes you. If a guy like likes you, he will stop at nothing to be with you. The lovestruck man will make an effort and make you feel like a million bucks. If a guy simply likes you, the treatment is less attentive, less acute...

In a recent article in Cosmopolitan magazine, the author, Jake Hurwitz, enlightens us on the behaviours that we can interpret as someone like liking us:

* We text you between noon and 5pm – Totally true. Men who text at 3am are disrespectful (of your time) and demonstrating that you are a total afterthought (hello, booty call). What’s even better than a daytime text? A man who calls! Someone brave enough to pick up the phone to connect with you is one smitten kitten.

* We schmooze with your pals – If a guy will even take you out with his friends, then he likes you. When he takes the step of hanging out with your crowd and actually makes an effort, he like likes you.

* We take you out during the day – Hell, yeah! Men who are only interested in hooking up at night (and who don’t stay over…) are not sincere. If a guy is willing to hang out with you during daytime hours (complete with unflattering overhead lighting provided by that damned sun…), he has a like like on for you.

* We email you – Admittedly, the email falls in 2nd place between the phone call (#1) and the text (#3) in terms of communicating. If he’s emailing, calling and texting you, congratulations, you’ve found someone who like likes you!

Today's SATC2 Teaser

SAMANTHA MARRIES???????!!!!!!!! And in Uggs???!!!

But seriously - our favourite "f*ck like a man" narcissistic nympho ties the knot??? She settles down???!!! As proven in the last film, Samantha couldn't handle having a steady boyfriend for longer than a couple of years (resulting in the devastating dumping of the dreamy Smith Jerrod...) and now she's ready to be permanently pinned??? I'm SO confused. If Samantha Jones ends up marrying, then am I supposed to get married, too???!!!

Faking It

Yes, I’ve faked it. Many times. Countless, copious, unfathomably many times….. So now, by popular demand, I’m going to let you know all about it.

Faking it is a trick that I’ve found to become very useful as I’ve gotten older and dated such an amazing collection of weirdos. To be honest, I think the first time I faked it was in my late ‘20’s. It had to be done. Luckily, now that I’ve found G Spot, I haven’t had to fake it for a long time. But still, I’d say the “faking it” years amounted to about 3 or 4 – which is 3 or 4 years too many.

The first time I pretended to orgasm was when I was having Superman Sex (see post from 2008). After being verbally abused, made to feel like a whore and - most unimpressively - spat on, I faked an orgasm just to get the whole kinkfest behind me (well, he was already behind me, but that’s not the point….).

The other times that I felt forced to fake it was when I was dating Mr. Hello Wall. In the entire time that we had sex together, I can’t remember if I legitimately came once. Again, in order to get the whole sad sack s*x thing over with, I used to fake him out so that he’d get off me…… I know, I know……… Of course, if I hadn’t faked it, we maybe could have worked on the fact that the s*x was not good for both of us, but when one is endowed like a Paper Mate pencil, it may be worth it to put on the theatrics while simultaneously thinking of creative ways to end the relationship……

In defence of faking it, I have to say that it can force you out of your comfort zone, which is great practice to put a smile on while you’re doing something you hate, which most of us are faced with at some point or another. Really, it’s a good life lesson. Also, I highly recommend it to aspiring actors – I’ve put on some pretty engaging and inspiring performances (oh, if you’d only been able to see what I was working with…..)!

Madge Disses Marriage

In a recent interview with David Letterman, Madonna (my hero and yours) was asked if she would get married again some day. Her response? The bitter and exasperated pop icon replied that she would rather "get run over by a train" than get married again... You go, grrrrrlllll!!!
Besides, when you look this good in green ostrich feathers, who needs a hubby???!!!

The 10 Storey High Club

Okay, okay….. so it’s not exactly the esteemed Mile High Club, but it’s as close as I’ve come (pardon the pun)! I’ve always fancied myself as kind of a prude. I don’t usually do it, say, swinging from chandeliers and I have no desire for my partner to handcuff me or to zip me into a hooded rubber suit and whip me... Still, I have had a bit of a “thing” for exhibitionism for quite a while. Even when I was a teenager, my mother, the ultimate prude, would yell at me for changing in my room with the curtains up. She thought I was a slut. Perhaps I was.

I get the notion of doing it on a plane, but I don’t get the point of doing it in the washroom. Airplane bathrooms are notoriously scary – they are small, the lighting is terrible and they stink. Yuck. I’m more for trying to do something under a blanket – that’s something to look forward to…

I’ve done it in parks, bar bathrooms and offices – nothing too out of the ordinary. However, when I was in Paris one summer, I had a hotel room with a teeny balcony that offered a view of the Eiffel Tower all lit up in twinkle lights. It was so romantic and ever since then, I’ve had the desire to go back to that balcony and get it on.

Since I’m not likely to make it back to Paris any time soon, I’ve had to settle for my balcony. Although not overlooking the Eiffel Tower, it does offer a beautiful view of downtown Cosmopolitan City. It was my goal this summer to do it on my 10th storey balcony. My lover, G Spot, and I got down to business. There’s something freeing about doing it outdoors. Yes, there may have been some people watching, but isn’t it entertaining for them? If I had been one of the guests at the balcony party across the street as we’d been getting it on, I’d have been very entertained. I'm not sure what their plans were for the entire night, but perhaps we saved them a few dollars on porn....

Carrie's new kicks

How fun are these Loubtoutins??? These are the shoes that Carrie is wearing in the SATC2 movie with the white dress and aviators (pictured a few posts below).
How much power would you have on a date if you wore shoes like this?? How could you not come across as totally confident (not to mention, sparkly!)??? It would be a crime not to play footsie in these sexy stilettos!