Today's Funny

After all, it is a numbers game:

Geoff had six children and was very proud of his achievement. He was so proud of himself that for years he called his wife, Anita, 'Mother of Six,' in spite of her regular objections.

One evening, in their retirement years, they go to a party. It is late and Geoff is ready to go home and wants to find out if Anita is ready to leave as well.

Geoff bellows at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home, Mother of Six?"

Anita, greatly irritated by Geoff's lack of discretion over so many years, yells back at him, "Anytime you're ready, 'Father of Four'."

heh.

Fear Factor

Due to popular request from you, my faithful followers, I am going to address what I feel are the reasons why my former fiance, G No, left. I, along with many others (including professionals), have narrowed it down to 3 main factors:
Fear. Change. Guilt.
The fear? Perhaps of an unfamiliarity with living a new, happy, healthy, balanced way of life with the best possible partner.
The change? Going from single to engaged to homeowner to cohabitant... I know all about it, as I was going through it, too.
The Guilt? Of being happy, I suspect.

A few weeks ago, I came across an amazing article from The Daily Love by Mastin Kip (www.thedailylove.com). This article seemed to be written to help me understand what happened in this atrocious mess. Please see below for some revelatory reading:

Many times we wish and wish for the right person to come into our lives. We don’t seem to understand why it’s not working out with others. We end up in toxic, unloving relationships, and deep down know something better is out there.
The challenge is, when something better does come along, to not run away.
After years of disappointment, heart break and unhappy endings, it can be very easy to close down on real love. No matter what, don’t let that happen!
Remember, strength in the muscles of your body is created by your muscles being ripped apart, and then rebuilt. Your heart and your emotional intelligence and fitness operate the same way. It is easy to close down after you’ve been hurt. It’s easy to throw a wrench into real love when it comes. I understand it’s scary, but WHO CARES?
Move forward in spite of your fear. Move forward INTO the scariness of it all. Be courageous. Don’t let fear win. OPEN UP anyway. The risk of not opening, in the end, is far worse than the risk of opening.
Don’t let love pass you by. Don’t let fear win.
NO! Instead, let love win. Open up, even when, you are afraid. Open up, even when you are scared of getting hurt. Open up, even when you don’t know what’s going to happen.
Listen to me: LOVE WILL PASS YOU BY if you always choose the safe path.
I am not suggesting that you open up to the first person who comes along. No. I am not suggesting that at all. I am suggesting that when you have a connection with someone, when you feel it, when you are so scared of how much you feel it, go in the opposite direction of your fear. Do not be afraid of the love you feel.
KNOW THIS: The right person will meet you. The right person will show up. But they can’t if you don’t open.
Learn to value openness and rebuilding your heart more than safety. Don’t let the wounds of the past create a wounded future. No. It can be different. Love can be yours. But first you must be open to it. Learn how to be more loving from your past pain, not how to be more closed.
Don’t give up on love, no, give IN TO love!

The Hangover

I haven't had one this bad since the morning after my brother's wedding... This one, like the last, was well-earned.

Last night, I had my best friends over for a housewarming party. It has been almost 3 months since I moved into my new place. Although it did not work out as expected, it is still a fabulous condo and I feel very lucky to live here. This is the place where my friends and family rallied around me when my fiance left. This is the place that has kept me safe through the tears and the sadness. This is the place where I am starting to have more laughs than tears now. This is the place that I enjoy waking up in every morning and coming home to every night. This is the place that housed my fabulous friends last night and has seen much more love in the past few weeks than I ever imagined.

Given the amount of drinking that has been going on in here lately (and, most certainly, last night...), I can still tell people that I'm living in sin in a church (I do love that!). My 2 person condo was a 22 person condo last night and it was fabulous. It is fabulous. I vow not to wake up again in the state that I did this morning (so unholy), however I also vow to continue to wake up happy and hopeful in my cherished church. How divine!

Is 35 Too Old To Wear A Miniskirt?

Ummmmmm.... No!

In a survey of the age-apropriateness of fashion performed by Diet Chef, 2000 British women (who were these prudes?!) agreed that 35 is too old to wear a miniskirt. Please excuse me while I barf...

I don't understand the results of this study. More importantly, I don't agree with the results of this study. Perhaps the 2000 women are all well over the age of 35. Perhaps the 2000 women suffer from vericose veins?? Perhaps the 2000 women suffer from orange-peely-looking thighs that are pocked with cellulite??? Whoever these rude respondents are, they clearly aren't 35 and wanting to wear miniskirts. Who is 35 and wanting to wear miniskirts? Me.

Why do I still wear minis at this age and stage? First off, I have great legs. I was taught, as a girl, to showcase my best assets. Why not? Secondly, I am newly single. It's almost summer. Short skirts are going to be my new best friends for the next little while. Even in the winter, however, I am still a big fan of the short skirt. When I was last single, I used to make jokes with my seamstress, asking her to take my skirts up to "boyfriend length." Even in relationships, I am still a fan of "boyfriend length" skirts. Guess what? So are my boyfriends.

The real question that they should have asked the 2000 haters is this: Is 41 too old to wear a miniskirt? Based on the picture of J. Lo above, I think the answer would be No. Has anyone seen a picture of Jennifer Aniston in a short skirt lately? If so, then we all know that 42 isn't too old to wear a miniskirt, either. Seriously, it depends on the woman and on the legs. In some sad cases, 18 can be too old to wear a miniskirt based on the situation going on... In my opinion, there is only one sexy singleton who should be able to put an age on miniskirt apropriateness: Tina Turner!

The Couple That Drinks Together Stays Together?

Excellent!

I recently came across a timely article, published by Cosmopolitan magazine (thank you, lovelies), that extolls the virtues of couples who drink together. According to a study conducted at the University of Buffalo (and no, there was no mention of the variable of daily consumption of chicken wings and that effect on relationships...) , having a drink a day with your boyfriend will help to keep relationship problems at bay.

The raging alcoholic researchers found that: 'couples who have a cocktail or two (or even three) together reported feeling "increased intimacy and decreased relationship problems the next day" as compared to boyfriends and girlfriends who drink apart or don't drink at all.' Fabulous!

This is very exciting news for me. I have always been a firm believer in drinking with my partners (friends and lovers). Although that has obviously not been the key to success in my previous relationships, I vow from today onwards to maintain this practice in all future relationships until I get it right.

Cheers!

Quote Of The Day

"The hottest love has the coldest end."



~ Socrates


* True, Socrates seems an unlikely source for this unbelievably meaningful quote (meaningful to me at this point). Turns out that he was married with children. Another quote of his on marriage:

"By all means marry. If you get a good wife you will become happy, and if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher."

Isn't it fabulous when your little brother gets married...

... before you do? Four months before you were supposed to get married?? And one month after your fiance has taken off??? Yep, that's right! A few weeks ago, I rsvp'd to my brother's wedding. The wedding that I had anticipated attending with G No was last night. Although I had found a suitable replacement date, it was too late to add a seat at the table, so I managed through it alone. I did, however, end up having 2 dates with me - my super supportive aunt and uncle. At the party, I soon found myself with a suitor, danced the night away and turned down a marriage proposal. All in a night's work! I wore a beautiful dress and got lots of attention. People couldn't stop commenting on it and saying what a mistake G No made. And how crazy he must be. Clearly.
My worry leading up to the big day was how I would handle the ceremony (I knew that the reception would be okay - I love a good party!). Just like watching the royal wedding last week, as soon as the bride started walking down the aisle, I burst into tears. It was hard. However, it was temporary and I was able to get through the rest of the ceremony without having a nervous breakdown. When in doubt, just show up looking fabulous. It distracts people and is a great ego boost!
First a royal wedding, then a royally difficult wedding. Is this making me stronger? Absolutely. At the very least, I can take comfort in the fact that I've got two down and none to go!